OK people. It's official, we are discontinuing the old, worn-out, bullshit version of "forgiveness." Drop it! It's fake; it doesn't work, and it doesn't help. Never has.
Not as long as the person is still alive who screwed up.
No longer will you use the phrase "I forgive you." You didn't mean it really deep down; it didn't mean anything anyways, and it actually sells out the person who did the misdeed ... whatever that was.
First off, can we really "pardon" someone from their apparent "sins?" If you have to pardon some act, doesn't that reinforce the negativity of that act, rather than truly dismiss it? And if you get real and label it the "negative" experience it was, how would a wave of the hand counterbalance it?
Second, if there is such a thing as cause/effect (karma) - and oh yes life-fans there is such a thing as the law of karma - then even if you pardoned some lamer from their lame actions, they would STILL need to DO something to balance out that lameness. Cause ... effect.
Right?
So.... starting now. No more "I forgive you." Got it?
If the person doesn't have the consciousness to automatically say, "What can I do to make it up to you?" - and yes life-fans only 1 percent of the population EVEN RECALLS that honorable statement - then you have the chance to do one of two things:
- Ask the person: "Are you willing to do something to make up for what you did in order to bring balance to this situation?"
- If the person does what 99 percent of the population does - act defensive, naive, indignant or self-righteous - then simply tell them the truth: what were your thoughts, feelings and ideas about their actions?
Then rinse and repeat.
This new behavior will do three things:
- It gives the person a chance to balance out, consciously, their misstep in a conscious step in the right direction. This will empower your friend to know they don't have to wait for the Lords of Karma to balance out all in the Universe. They can be a responsible force in this scenario.
- It stops the farce of forced or fake forgiveness, which never did relieve your soul TRULY or help bring responsibility to the other person.
- It makes real the act of atonement - bringing true oneness to our relationships.
It's time for a new way of doing relationships and screw ups.
We are all human, it's OK. We will make mistakes. So what! It's how we respond to our mistakes that will make all the difference. It's how we respond to other people's misgivings that will also make a difference.
Remember the magic phrase - "Are you willing to do something to make up for what you did in order to bring balance to this situation?" And then remember too, the idea that will be your backup if this phrase falls on deaf ears ... the truth.
Jim Ellis is a writer and producer who does not forgive you ever, but does hold certain expectations that you can be a responsible adult. He can be reached for atonement at LegacyProductions.org