THE ENTITLEMENT - The Joys of Becoming Lazy and Insignificant with Our Own Self-Importance

Today I took a taste of the poison … and it tasted oh so good.

I was able to rekindle that soothing sensation, to ingest that comforting context, to reignite what can only be termed "the entitlement."

I can think of no other word for it. Hard to truly define, it's a way of being that is found in many parts of our society, within many of our relations with others at work, in community, in society. And it was today that I truly embraced what it felt like to be that special guy who is set apart from the crowd, for my own benefit and my benefit alone. Entitled.

Today, I was hired to do some filming for a project in downtown San Diego. I packed up my video equipment, drove downtown, paid for an hour of parking, traveled the four stories up the elevator, and entered the government officer's office. And that's about it. Though yes, I should be paid for my effort and time, I didn’t really expand much of either. The officer wasn't there, since he was on some other tour and chose to blow me off … because he could. Did this upset me? Not really. And why? Because I was paid for this project anyway. I was paid for this service even though I accomplished nothing, showed no results for my labor and didn't have to do any more than lug my stuff home. Ahhhh, the good life.

I came home and experienced this odd sensation rush over me. It was surprisingly warm and soothing. I felt comforted, quenched. The poison was starting to have its affect. I instantly wanted to get into my boxers and just lay around the house, watching hockey and chowing down on chocolate covered almonds. I wanted to lay around in the glory that I was still getting paid for this time. I wanted to give up recycling paper products, and perhaps even look into the habit of hoarding.

It reminded me of the time I worked for Corporate America, punching my time clock and getting paid whether I performed well or not. All I had to do was exist under the radar of observation, living in the mediocre accepted by all other ass-kissers. All I had to do was continue collecting my bi-weekly paycheck and accumulate my PTO - paid time off - where I would get paid for doing even more nothing.

I recall working at this old job but not feeling fulfilled. I had an air of "can't touch this" mixed with "the world owes me something." I actually became one lazy dude during this time of my life, realizing the world was here to service me, no matter how I did what I did. Embracing the idea that creating a positive impact was not a factor, I simply existed in my new niche... in a land of nowhere. It was enough.

And yet it was agony.

Such entitlement, such an air of "specialness" is poison to a soul who actually wants to do good in the world, who actually has a higher purpose that includes the wellbeing of others outside of the selfish self.  Though everyone may hold the seed of such a connected purpose, you do see this entitlement and specialness at every turn. You see it:

• In the humans behind government agency windows who walk in slow motion, confirming their superiority and job security with every slow-motion step.
• In professors with tenure, who have risen above the accountability of a hard-earned paycheck for a hard day of work.
• In the people on welfare, disability and unemployment who don't need to be there, as they continually have to PROVE they are lame, at the same time taking their vacation trips or working on themselves to prove they are healed and whole.
• In political and religious leaders who apparently see themselves as rising above accountability.
• In the greasing of palms, in the speeding ticket pass, in the corruptible elite.
• In the state, city and federal government workers who are boosted by the arrogance they stand out from the rest of the people they are supposed to serve.

It is everywhere. And I want to be a part of it. I want to be in this good ‘ole boys club so bad. I want to be special, to stand out. I want to get my money for nothin' and my chicks for free. I want to be entitled. I want to taste of the poison that tastes oh so good…

Until I remember …

For it will be here ... that I will remember what it's like to rest in the lazy comfort and insignificance of my own self-importance. And then, when the agony arises again - hopefully swifter this time - I will rekindle a different desire, one that takes me again out to the bigger circle of my brothers and sisters. It will be one that, once again and hopefully forever, sends me to the bigger circle of which we all must serve when we are, not in our egos and entitlement, but in our hearts and our humanity.