Just because you're a Super-Villain doesn't mean you can't try. Now you're ego is probably screaming that you're perfect and awesome but if you're reading this, you've already accepted my premise that the general population views you as kind of a dick. These tips aren't going to change your "I want to rule the World" view but instead, hopefully, file down some of the sharper edges of your often prickly personality.
1. Try a little tenderness: Dial back the testosterone that fuels your engine of destruction a notch and develop a softer side. It doesn't have to be Pillsbury Doughboy soft but kittens and puppies shouldn't shy away from you either. Less grizzly bear, more teddy bear.
2. Embrace the chick flick: Disregard if you happen to score a woman without the desire to see one. But those are long odds, so you should prepare to be dragged to the multi-plex. Luckily the chick flick formula is pretty standard (Romeo and Juliet without the double suicide) and usually you only have to suffer for about 90 minutes. And whenever the lead female begins to cry, cuddle. Also, there are two good things about "The Notebook". James. Garner.
Find out what's happening in Long Beachfor free with the latest updates from Patch.
3. Dress for success: Fashion is a viper pit of opinions so I lean more towards classic menswear as my default. Own at least two good suits, a sports coat, a weeks worth of button down shirts, dress slacks, khakis, a couple of polo shirts and a grown-up pair of jeans, Levi's preferably. No skinny jeans. Ever. Throw in a pair of wingtips, boots and sneakers and you have the building blocks of a non-douchebag wardrobe.
4. Learn to dance: She's biologically wired to check out your moves. If you can't break it down on the dance floor, she'll have no confidence that you can shake your moneymaker when it's time to meet the babymaker. I'd avoid ballroom dancing altogether. She'll eventually resent that she has to do everything you do but backwards and in high heels.
Find out what's happening in Long Beachfor free with the latest updates from Patch.
5. It's OK to not know everything: We've established that you have an ego the size of a house. You've built an impressive cache of knowledge and you're always ready at the drop of a hat to be a human Google search. But you need to lay off that in the early stages of dating because frankly, it's tiring to hear you recite Wikipedia links on every subject of discussion. Also, it gives her a chance to talk.
These tips are basic and simple and even a minion could follow them. Read them. Learn them. Live them.
