Chapter 5: Topics to Avoid on the First Date

1. Your latest plan for local/state/national/global/universal domination - I shouldn't have to say that but you're a Super-Villain and historically bad at taking simple advice. That's why this is Numero Uno. Keep it in your pocket, turbo.

2. Family - This night is about her. Let the family ties reveal themselves organically, like if you ever have to meet them. If she has Daddy or Mommy issues, they'll show themselves quickly enough without asking. And your parents raised a Super-Villain. Save this for later.

3. Religion - Especially if you're of the "I am the Living Embodiment of Fill-in Pantheon Here Club", do not bring this up at dinner. And never pray to yourself when asked to say grace. Always bad form.

4. Politics - Let's be honest. You don't care who she voted for. You don't care about the politics of her country at all. You will not be able to keep up a facade of interest for long. Eventually, you'll want to blurt out "It doesn't matter. I'm going to kill them all and replace them with robots programmed to do my bidding anyway MWAHAHAHAHA!!!"

5. Anything that might cause to you spontaneously MWHAHAHAHA!!! - Now this is a bit trickier because you're all unique with different triggers for the classic Evil Laugh. But you have to know what sets you off and avoid going down that road. Hint: if you're watching a movie and the White House blows up, that's a bad time to cut one loose.

If you are sharp enough to rule a city/state/country/planet/universe, you should be smart enough to weave your way around and through these topics and get a second date.