Stressed? SOS Provides Dialogue Night For Managing Demands

This scene played out at the Wednesday night: A teen walks in the house after a long day at school. His mother asks, “How was the test? What grade do you think you got?” Pause. He did the best he could, he replies, frustration bubbling just under the surface.

He walks in the house again, this time, a week later, and sets down his bulging, too-heavy backpack. The first thing he hears, “What grade did you get on the test?”  

That was just one of the skits that students performed for their peers, staff and parents, meant to spark conversation at the , or SOS, Dialogue Night Wednesday at the . Attendees then broke out into groups to discuss what could be done better and what mixed messages both parents and students are giving out. 

“In our own community here, we’ve heard about a lot of tragic events occurring in , revolving around stress," said Judy Prothro, a counselor at Los Altos High and one of the adults with the SOS Club. She was referring to the recent suicides that have rocked Palo Alto High School.

"So it’s real, and we’re dealing with it every day.” 

A recent survey at Los Altos High taken by the club showed that 57 percent of Los Altos High students say they are burned out often or on a regular basis. For 16- and 17-year-olds, this is time when anticipation over SAT tests, college applications and grades weigh heavily.

The students communicated that they feel added pressure and mixed messages from parents to get perfect grades, do many extra-curriculars and so forth. On the one hand, parents want the students to get enough sleep. At the same time, students often stay up late finishing homework.

The SOS Club is designed to get students talking about what stresses them out and what can actively be done about that, according to counselor Dafna Adler. This dialogue night was one of the ways the group wanted to reach out to more people and take action about the stressors in their lives and those of other students.

Parents and children alike agreed that communication could be improved, as well as knowing that the support is there.

Opening the door to that conversation can be quite simple, said Junior Will Gros de Mange, 17.

“It’s important to take time with your children," said de Mange, who was one of the actors in the skits. "At the end of the day, I know I need that support, I love that support.

"I just think you can always find time for your kid … like ‘Hi, honey, how was your day?’ And from there, I say more things.” 

Parents and staff agreed time management and communication should be practiced with their students.

“All of us need to model it too," Adler said. "They see all of us running around like crazy … so we need to model that ‘striving-for-balance life’ also if the students are to achieve it.” 

Junior Yasmeen Serhan, a member of SOS, said she sees students all over campus wearing sweatshirts from Ivy League schools. Those are “unintended mixed messages,” she said. It's important to strive for high achievement, but not every college, or destination, is right for every student. Teachers and parents need to communicate that better, she said. 

The group is going to try to make this an annual event. The club meets once a week on Wednesdays and takes action on its concerns—such as involving parents in the discussion the way it did Wednesday night. 

Key Points from the “Parenting Guidelines from SOS”

• Define success on your terms.
• Maintain play time, down time and family time. Avoid over-scheduling.
• Love your children unconditionally.
• Discipline and set limits.
• Allow kids space to develop on their own and make mistakes.
• Build responsibility at home and in the community.
• Unplug. Set limits on the amount of time your children watch TV, play screen-based games, instant message, and use the computer recreationally.
• Ease performance pressure.
• Debunk college myths.