Arts & Entertainment
Beavers Reintroduced to Britain After 400 Years
A satirical look at current events!
Beavers Reintroduced to Britain After 400 Years: After being hunted to death during a beaver fur craze, a five-year reintroduction program has once again reestablished a healthy population of beavers in Scotland’s lochs and rivers. All I can say is, it’s about dam time.
Facing Diversity Criticism - Trump Appoints Two Women: President-elect Donald Trump has selected two prominent Republican women for Cabinet-level positions, adding diversity to an inner circle that was already coming under fire for being composed mostly of white men. An indignant Kellyanne Conway defended Trump’s appointments, pointing out that “we’ve selected a very diverse group of individuals. Why we’ve got people who hate blacks, people who hate Jews, people who resent foreign-born, we’ve hired Muslim haters, serial misogynists and gay bashers. How much diversity do you want?”
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Study Finds Fewer U.S. Parents Spanking Their Kids: A new U.S. study suggests that spanking and hitting children to discipline them has become much less common in recent decades as more parents choose non-physical approaches such as “time-outs” instead. Of course the complete opposite is true for the Cleveland Browns’ defense, who could use a lot more hitting and substantially less time-outs.
Women’s Scoring Higher in IQ Tests Than Men: A new study found that women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests for the first time in over 100 years. Women are definitely getting more advanced degrees. Hell, I have a woman friend who recently got her Thighmaster.
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Vladimir Putin Issues Steven Seagal Russian Passport: Russian President Vladimir Putin has just presented actor Steven Seagal with a Russian passport, meaning the American action star will now share dual citizenship with the US and Russia. OK, but it really seems like we’re not sending Russia our best people. Gee, after looking at Steven Seagal and Gerard Depardieu - who also became a Russian citizen - I can only conclude that Russian citizenship must be extremely fattening.
Officials Say Trump Declining Intelligence Briefings: Some in the intelligence community are privately expressing concern over the fact that President-elect Donald Trump has been turning away intelligence briefers since his election win, noting that he has only received two classified intelligence briefings since his surprise election victory. That shouldn’t be a problem, because if you remember, he told Billy Bush he’s pretty good at quickly “grabbing hold of things.”
US Launches Most Advanced Weather Satellite Ever: NASA has announced launching the most advanced weather satellite ever built rocketed into space, part of an $11 billion effort to revolutionize forecasting and hopefully save lives. On the other hand, angry Trump supporters like Clyde C. Kluckhohn of Little Rock argue that “we don’t need to spend more taxpayer dollars on yet another weather satellite. What we really need is a “whether satellite” - one that’ll give us practical information and not all that sciencey nonsense, like whether or not its gonna rain - whether or not I should bother wash’n my truck.”
Frog With Orange-Flashing Groin Discovered in Australia: Wildlife biologists in Australia say they’ve uncovered a new species of frog, one which flashes it’s groin a bright orange when confronted by predators. Scientists say they don’t believe there’s anything else quite like it in nature, with the possible exception of Donald Trump’s groin - which is believed to have only been observed by the skinniest of supermodels.
Large Earthquake Strikes Fukushima Again: According to the United States Geological Survey, a huge 7.3-magnitude earthquake has struck off the coast of Japan in the same area of Fukushima that produced the huge tsunami back in 2011. First Trump gets elected and now this. Will someone please tell me what the Fukushima is going on?
Kanye West Cancels US Tour After Crazy Rants: Organizers say rap superstar Kanye West has pulled the plug on his North American tour, two days after a rambling onstage tirade against fellow artists Jay Z and Beyonce. This has a lot of people worried about Kanye - worried that he might resume touring again.
