Ben Carson Says Many Americans Are Stupid: During a previous stop on a book tour at the Richard Nixon Library, Republican Ben Carson told an audience that “the majority of Americans are not as stupid as liberals think they are, but many are stupid.” And to drive home his point about stupidity, perhaps he could tell us again about how he believes the world is 6000 years old.
Taco Bell Executive Filmed Hitting Uber Driver Gets Fired: Taco Bell executive Benjamin Golden, who was filmed violently smacking an Uber driver, has been fired from his job. Now if I were Golden, I’d claim my behavior was largely due to long-term exposure to Taco Bell food. On a positive note, maybe he’ll be able to find a job driving for Uber.
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Astronomers Observe Densest Planet Ever Found: A space telescope has discovered a “Super-Earth” orbiting a distant star which astronomers are calling the densest planet ever observed. Scientists can call them “densest planet” all they want, but I doubt they’re wasting all their Sunday evenings watching shows like the Kardashians.
Two Moderate Earthquakes Hit Phoenix Area: The U.S. Geological Survey confirms that a 4.1 and a 3.2 magnitude earthquakes have struck the greater Phoenix metro area. Seismologists say earthquakes this large aren’t supposed to strike Phoenix, adding that this could mean Mother Nature may be depending on Apple maps again.
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Linguist Claims Drunk Settlers Responsible For Aussie Accent: An academic in Australia has set off a firestorm Down Under by claiming that the Aussie accent is the result of the country’s early settlers being drunks. My problem with that is, if consuming loads of alcohol is responsible for an Aussie accent, then why don’t the Irish sound like Aussies?
E. Coli Outbreak Closes 43 Chipotle Stores: Some 43 Chipotle stores in Oregon and Washington state closed after health officials linked these locations to an E. coli outbreak. In related news, Apple reports having to close 3 of its employee cafeterias due to an outbreak of i. coli.
Man Gives Fiancé Engagement Ring Made From His Wisdom Tooth: A California couple who pride themselves on their nontraditional nature, broke the mold when the groom-to-be popped the question with a ring made from his wisdom tooth. Geez, you’d think he could have at least used a tooth with a gold crown on it. Kind of makes you wonder, can a kidney stone wedding ring be that far off in the future?
