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Conservative Christians Angry at Starbucks Minimalist Holiday Cup Design
A satirical look at current events!
Conservative Christians Angry at Starbucks Minimalist Holiday Cup Design: Conservative Christians are up in arms that Starbucks is waging a “war on Christmas” because the coffee chain’s new holiday cups are a simple red and green color instead of a more obvious Christmas-themed design. Sounds like they’ve made an excellent point. Everyone knows the definition of religious persecution is not having a lot of Christmas symbolism on your throwaway, paper coffee cups. Those don’t look at all like the coffee cups Jesus would have drunk his lattes from.
Michele Bachmann Urges Christians to Convert Jews: Former Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) issued an urgent message for Christians everywhere, that they had better get busy converting as many people as possible - especially Jews - because the violence in the Middle East indicates that Jesus is coming soon. Good grief! I’ll bet he’s coming back to check on how that grain supply inside the pyramids is doing. Now if I were her, I think I’d be more concerned about when Marcus is coming than Jesus.
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Last Recession Meant People Had Fewer Pets: A new study determined that during the past recession, many Americans not only gave up on having children, but also on having pets. No kidding. Hell, it got so bad, I couldn’t even afford my pet peeves anymore.
Legally Blind Barber Awarded $100k for Wrongful Termination: A legally blind barber has been awarded $100,000 by a Massachusetts commission against discrimination after it says he was wrongly fired. Wow, talk about having a bad hair day! Wonder if this could explain Donald Trump’s hair? Lawyers for the barber told the court that nearly 60% of his customers said they were not completely enraged with the results. To be completely fair, it wouldn’t bother me if my barber was legally blind. Hell, most of my haircuts end up looking like they’ve been cut by a blind person with Parkinson’s Disease anyway.
Find out what's happening in Malibufor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Elusive Snow Leopard Collared in Kyrgyzstan: Scientists in Kyrgyzstan are really excited about having captured and collaring the majestic and elusive “snow leopard.” That said, here in America, most of us have long ago moved on from Snow Leopard to El Capitan.
Giant Mammoth Tusk Unearthed in Idaho: A 12-foot Columbian mammoth tusk has been unearthed in Idaho and scientists are searching the nearby area, hoping to find the rest of the animal’s skeleton associated with the tusk. Local legend has it that the mammoth’s skeleton is safely locked away inside a nearby cave, and the only way to gain access is by using a skeleton key.
