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Politics & Government

Conspiracy Theorists Demand Autopsy in Scalia Death

A satirical look at current events!

Conspiracy Theorists Demand Autopsy in Scalia Death: Conspiracy theorists on the internet have been going ballistic after the owner of the ranch where Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died mentioned he had discovered Scalia with “a pillow over his head” and that there isn’t going to be an autopsy.

Yea, I see their point. Its pretty hard to believe that an obese, 79-year-old man in poor health, who drank and smoked heavily, had serious heart disease and diabetes, as well as extremely high blood pressure, could have just died in his sleep. That alone should tell you Obama must have been involved in some way, or perhaps even Bigfoot.

Now as far as an autopsy is concerned, I can understand how Tea Party members would want to insist on scientific proof as to how the justice died. Of course, let’s just make certain that any demands for scientific proof doesn’t cross over into things such as climate change. That said, I’m pretty sure a strict 18th century constitutionalist like Scalia would never have agreed to an autopsy. After all, there was no such procedure in 1788, when the constitution was ratified.

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Anyway, the big question that remains is whether Donald Trump will now call for closing our borders to all overweight, white people with diabetes and cardiovascular disease, just till we figure out what’s going on?

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