Donald Trump's Purple Heart Sparks Controversy

Donald Trump’s Purple Heart Sparks Controversy: Donald Trump is taking some slack after he accepted a Purple Heart from a retired soldier at a Virginia rally, remarking, "I always wanted to get the Purple Heart, this was much easier.” Hell, if anyone deserves a Purple Heart, I’m guessing it would be the people who’ve had the misfortune of working for some of Trump’s failed businesses over the years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Admits to Another Affair: Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has admitted that not only did he cheat on Maria Shriver while the two were married, but also when they were still dating, when he had an affair with his Red Sonja co-star Brigitte Nielsen. Sounds like iron wasn’t the only thing Arnold was pumping back in those days.

Mike Pence Claims Trump is Unstoppable: Despite his recent gaffs and a difference of opinion over support for Paul Ryan, Republican vice presidential nominee Mike Pence is claiming that his running mate Donald Trump is “unstoppable.” Of course, I suppose the same argument could be made for most train wrecks. One thing’s for sure, his mouth is definitely unstoppable.

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Study Finds One in Eight Florida Homes Underwater by 2100: A new study found that if sea levels continue to rise, one in every eight homes in the state of Florida could be underwater by the year 2100. Wow, an eighth of Florida completely gone? And what’s the downside?

New Data Suggest Millennials Having Less Sex Than Previous Generations: Sociologists say new data suggests that millennials are having less sex than previous generations did at their age, with the fact that so many people’s social lives are now conducted online through smartphones listed chief among the causes. Perhaps if the millennials simply thought of sex as just another way of “plugging in,” interest might improve.

Barbara Eden Gets Back Into I Dream of Jeannie Costume: Sitcom icon Barbara Eden inspired serious nostalgia when she got back into her famous and revealing “I Dream of Jeannie” outfit from the 1960s at a charity ball in Vienna at age 80. Those in attendance said that while things appeared a bit wrinkled, the costume still looked great.

Billionaire Peter Thiel Wants Young People’s Blood: Billionaire Republican and PayPal founder Peter Thiel said that he believes transfusions of blood from young people can reverse his aging process and allow him to live a vastly extended lifespan. Gee, the wealthy often act like blood-sucking leeches, but this is way over the top. Makes you wonder who the hell he consulted about this in the first place - Keith Richards? And what’s next, bathing in the blood of virgins? Guess we don’t have to ask why the guy supports Trump. Meanwhile, rumors have it that younger Peter Thiel employees have begun carrying wooden stakes with them around the office.

CDC Issues Zika Travel Advisory for South Florida: Public health officials have, for the first time, warned pregnant women to avoid traveling to south Florida in response to a growing outbreak of the mosquito-borne Zika virus. Florida Republicans are up in arms because the Obama administration refuses to call them “radical mosquitos.” That said, if I were traveling to Florida, I’d be more concerned about coming in contact with Florida residents than Florida mosquitos.

Lack of Water Killed Last Woolly Mammoths: Scientists believe one of the last known groups of woolly mammoths, who were living on a remote island off the coast of Alaska, died out 5,600 years ago because of a lack of drinking water. Developers of the island had promised the beasts plenty of fresh water, but obviously someone pulled the wool over their eyes because getting drinking water to an island that remote would have been a mammoth undertaking.

Draymond Green Posts Picture of Penis to Snapchat: Golden State Warriors star Draymond Green, who will be representing the US at the Rio Games, was forced to apologize after he accidentally hit the wrong button and posted a picture of his penis on the social media site Snapchat. That is why the US Postal Service recommends that - as long as time isn’t really an issue - its always advisable to send your penis pics through snail mail.

Authorities Say Nursing Home Patient Was Killed by Alligator: Authorities say a missing 90-year-old woman, whose body was found in a retention pond behind her South Carolina assisted living facility, was most likely the victim of an alligator. South Carolina officials say that’s why its so important that alligators never be included as part of assisted living recreational programs. Sadly, when police finally caught up with the gator, it claimed it was still hungry. Good grief, about the only thing I can think of that would be worse than this - would be having a dingo eat your baby.

Justin Bieber Turned Down $5 Million to Play Republican Convention: Bankrolled by GOP donors, Republicans reportedly offered Justin Bieber $5 million to play a 45-minute set at a venue near where the convention was held, but he turned them down. The deal reportedly went sour after Trump told Bieber that he’ll insist the Mexicans pay for it. And while I’m no fan of Trump and company, I’m not sure I could have turned down $5 million. Guess its a good thing I can’t sing. Hell, for that kind of money, perhaps they should have contacted Hillary, she’s been known to accept speaking engagements if the price is right.

Orlando Cops Mistake Man’s Doughnut Glaze for Meth: A Florida man is suing the Orlando Police Department for false arrest after a police officer mistook his Krispy Kreme doughnut glaze for methamphetamine. Makes you wonder how something like this can happen? You’d think if anyone would be able to identify a donut, it would be a cop. That said, I guess its not too surprising when you consider that cops mistake Krispy Kreme donuts for food all the time. I wonder if any of the "evidence" ever made it back to the station?

Chipotle to Open Burger Restaurant: Chipotle Mexican Grill announced they will soon be opening their first burger restaurant. When asked to explain the move, a Chipotle spokesperson said “because sometimes spreading E.coli through tacos and burritos just isn’t enough.”

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Wisconsin Policeman Had Sex on the Job 98 Times: A Wisconsin police officer has resigned following an internal investigation that showed he had sex 98 times while on duty, a violation of numerous department polices and procedures. Wow, if you get pulled over by this guy, you know you’re screwed. I guess its not too surprising though considering the sign on the side of their police cars says “to protect and service.” Being a huge law enforcement advocate, Gov Scott Walker initially wasn’t sure what position to take on this, but eventually decided on the missionary position.

Some Soldiers Turning to Lipo to Pass Military Fat Test: According to the AP, some members of the military are turning to liposuction as a quick fix to pass the military's "fat test,” which can affect promotions and career prospects for years to come. Well, guess that’s one way to reduce the size of the military.

Mystery Illness Wiping Out Honey Bees: Researchers report that a mysterious malady which kills honeybees, has drastically expanded this year, wiping out as much as 40 to 50 percent of the hives needed to pollinate America’s fruits and vegetables. The situation has become so critical, scientists have begun asking hairstylists to consider bringing back beehive hairdos, just to take up some of the slack.