Arts & Entertainment
Florida Deputies Say 450-Pound Man Hid Pot Under Fat Rolls
A satirical look at current events!
Florida Deputies Say 450-Pound Man Hid Pot Under Fat Rolls: Florida deputies pulled over a 450-pound man for a seat-belt violation only to discover that the man was hiding a large stash of marijuana underneath a huge roll of stomach fat. His lawyer vows to fight the charges, claiming there’s nothing illegal about having a “pot belly.”
Wife and Stepson Held in KKK Wizard’s Murder: The wife of Missouri KKK leader Frank Ancona, who married him in full Klan costume, has been arrested for his murder. She claims she doesn’t remember anything as she had been drinking and was “two sheets” to the wind.
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Lindsay Lohan Says We Need to Support Trump: In an interview with the Daily Mail, Lindsay Lohan says she thinks its about time for people to support President Trump. You know, when you think about all the craziness out there such as a world full of alternative facts, the hundreds of millions of illegal aliens who voted for Hillary Clinton and the horrific Bowling Green Massacre, its refreshing to hear the voices of sanity like Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, Gary Busey, Stephen Baldwin and Dennis Rodman - reminding us about how important it is that we support our president.
Crocodile Bites Off Part of Man’s Testicle: A 70-year-old man from Zimbabwe narrowly escaped a crocodile attack as he crossed the Chivake River with his pants off - but he lost part of his testicle in the melee. Crossing a crocodile-infested river with no pants on? That really took some balls to do that!
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Dead Shark Found on NYC Subway: Riders found a dead shark on the New York City N train, leaving officials to ponder just how a shark could have gotten on a NYC subway train. While authorities have yet to identify what type of shark it was - but because its New York City - there’s speculation that it may have been a “loan shark.”
North Korean Leader’s Half Brother Poisoned in Malaysia: Kim Jong Nam, the estranged half brother of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, was killed at Kuala Lumpur International Airport after reportedly being pricked with poisoned needles by two female agents - who then escaped by taxi. Assassinated by two women? Good grief, they sure have an interesting way of celebrating Valentine’s Day in North Korea. In related news, E! Online just announced “Keeping Up with the Kim Jongs” will lead-off its fall programming.
Massive Supernova Visible From Millions of Light Years Away: In astronomy news, scientists on Palomar Mountain have captured the early death of a massive star that was torn apart in a violent explosion which actually took place 160 million years ago. My question is, if it happened 160 million years ago, how can it be considered news? Does CNN have someone posted 160 million light years away reporting on this stuff? And while some are concerned about radiation from the gamma bursts, I know I’ll be just fine - I’m posting this from under my duvet.
Playboy Returns to Nudity in March/April 2017 Issue: After dropping its nude pictorials back in 2015, the men’s lifestyle magazine is bringing them back in its March/April 2017 issue featuring topless Playmate Elizabeth Elam as Miss March 2017 - along with the headline “Naked is normal.” Guess someone finally figured out that no one actually READS Playboy magazine. All part of the “Make America Great Again” plan I suppose. Now, everyone can cancel their National Geographic subscriptions again. On a positive note, thank God there’s still no nudity in Oprah and Gwyneth Paltrow’s magazines.
Florida Woman Pulls Gun on Neighbors Over Loud Singing: Police in West Palm Beach, Florida, arrested an intoxicated 47-year-old woman for allegedly bursting into her neighbors’ home to threaten them with a gun for singing too loudly. Good grief, for a crime like that, she could end up in Sing Sing. Come on people, can’t we all just sing along?
Study Finds British BBQ’s Dirtier Than Toilets: A new study has found the typical British BBQ contains higher counts of bacteria than bathroom toilets. As a precaution, health officials suggest people consider BBQing in the bathroom.
Melania Trump Reportedly Unhappy with New Role as First Lady: Its being reported that First Lady Melania Trump is extremely unhappy with the turn her life has taken since her husband was elected President of the United States. On a positive note, its beginning to appear she may not have to put up with this misery very much longer. Till then, she has access to all the Trump Vodka she wants.
