Jim Bakker is Back Hawking Giant Buckets of Survivalist Food

Jim Bakker is Back Hawking Giant Buckets of Survivalist Food: Televangelist Jim Bakker is back hawking things on his TV show, warning listeners they had better buy his giant buckets of authentic, Mexican-flavored survivalist Fiesta Buckets because God’s been telling him that “major events are coming.” And for those who’ve purchased one of his Fiesta Buckets, you can rest assured that one of those “major events” will be making a beeline for the bathroom, just as fast as humanly possible.

Woman Caught Smuggling Meth Burritos Across Mexico Border: Customs and Border authorities in Arizona say they nabbed a woman as she attempted to cross the border into the US with a pound of methamphetamine stuffed inside her burritos disguised as lunch. Why would someone go all the way to Mexico for meth? Weren't there any trailer parks around where she lived? All I know is, if someone tries to steal her lunch, they’re gonna be in for a big surprise.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Minivan-Sized Sea Sponge Found in Ocean off Hawaii: Deep sea scientists, exploring 7,000 feet down in the remote waters between Hawaii and Midway atoll, have found a gigantic sea sponge the size of a minivan that may just be the oldest living animal on earth. Wow, that was a really absorbing article. My guess is that its probably been sponging off the rest of the ocean for all these years. Now the big question is, how long before this sponge becomes the star of some cheap sci-fi film? We can only hope it stays down there and never develops a taste for human flesh.

No More Special Last Meal Requests for Death Row Prisoners: Following what it considered an over-the-top request, the Texas Department of Criminal Justice has decided to stop granting special "last meal" requests to those being being executed. Defending the decision, prison officials say “its not gonna kill them to eat whatever we serve them.”

NYC Elementary School Serving Only Vegetarian Food: An elementary school in New York City has become the first school in the country to serve only vegetarian food. Guess students will now have to wait till after school to “meat-up” with all their friends.

People Using Thoughts to Pilot Copter: Using just thoughts alone, five people were able to successfully maneuver a flying drone copter through a 3-dimensional obstacle course. While this may work for some, if any of my friends ever tried to pilot a copter with their thoughts, you can bet it would end up right in the gutter.

Charities Feeling the Economic Pinch: Charities are reporting an increase in requests for their services at a time when donations are down significantly due to a sluggish economy. A spokesperson for the Salvation Army told reporters that things have gotten so bad, they can no longer afford to offer “salvation” along with their Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners anymore.

Study Finds Early Neanderthals Built Complex Structures: Researchers say that early Neanderthals were more inventive than previously thought, with new finds showing that our extinct cousins were building complex structures for religious rituals 176,500 years ago. Yea, and a drive through America’s Bible Belt will tell you that not all that much has really changed in the last 176,000 years.

Massive Robotic Dinosaur Destroyed by Fire: A fire, caused by the spark of a welder’s torch, has destroyed a 90-foot-long life-like robotic dinosaur that was set to be part of an exhibit at a New Jersey theme park. Destroyed by a welder? My bet is that it was one of those creationist Noah's Ark Welders - trying to prove a point. Either that, or he was trying to perform an extremely difficult Tuesday Weld, but on the wrong day.

Vermont College Curtails Sale of Energy Drinks: Vermont’s Middlebury College announced that the campus will stop selling energy drinks, claiming that the drinks have been linked to unsafe behavior and high-risk sexual activity, similar to alcohol abuse. Good grief, at that rate, sounds like it might make a good investment for Bill Cosby.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Study Finds Depression Lowers Chance for Pregnancy: According to a recent study conducted by Boston University, depression lowers women’s chances for becoming pregnant. Researchers say that while depression may inhibit pregnancy, they do not recommend that husbands or boyfriends try using it as a means of birth control.

Apple to Make All Glass iPhone in 2017: According to the chief executive of the company which makes its chassis, Apple is preparing to manufacture an all glass iPhone which will be released sometime in 2017. Now, the question remains, will the Apple include an App so the user will be able to tell whether the glass iPhone is half full or half empty.