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Leading Astronomer Resigns Over Sexual Harassment Allegations
A satirical look at current events!

Leading Astronomer Resigns Over Sexual Harassment Allegations: One of the biggest stars in astronomy - Geoff Marcy - who has led the search for exoplanets, has been forced to resign from his position at UC Berkeley over allegations he’s been sexually harassing women in his department throughout the years. Sounds as if his fascination with “heavenly bodies” may have gotten a wee bit out of control.
Brothers Brutally Beaten in Church to Make Them Confess Sins: The parents, sister and some other church members of the Word of Life Church in upstate New York have been arrested after they brutally beat two teenage brothers - one fatally - in an effort to get them to confess their sins. This is crazy, when I read the article, I was hoping there would be information about how I could donate to this church, but I couldn’t find any information. Anyone else having this problem? Hopefully, Kim Davis’ lawyers will pitch-in and defend these poor people. I guess the arrest of these loving parents and their fellow church goers further proves what Mike Huckabee is always telling us about how freedom of religion is under attack.
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Research Finds Stonehenge Builders Ate Lots of Meat: Archaeologists, looking through pottery fragments and animal bones found at Stonehenge, say chemical analysis indicate the containers were used for preparing and cooking meat such as pork and beef. If that’s really the case, then Stonehenge may very well have been kind of a giant, prehistoric, George Foreman grill.
New Billy the Kid Photo May Be Worth $5 Million: A California company says it has authenticated and is selling one of the “holy grails of Western Americana” - only the second confirmed image of the notorious bandit Billy the Kid, which was bought for only $2 at an antique shop in Fremont, California. Just between you and me, I just downloaded and printed myself a copy and saved myself a crisp $5 million.
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Breast Size Preference May Predict Male Attitudes About Women: A recent study out of the University of Westminster found that the more a man is into women with large breasts, the more likely he is to be a sexist. So, if you happen to be one of those guys whose wife or girlfriend has unusually large breasts, it sounds like you’ve got some ‘splain’n to do.
Lean Cuisine Recalls Frozen Dinners: Nestle is recalling its Lean Cuisine Mushroom Ravioli which may contain glass fragments. The thing is, while many people like how Lean Cuisine helps cut calories, most don’t want to do the cutting with glass fragments.
Playboy to Stop Publishing Fully Nude Women: Playboy magazine announced it will stop publishing pictures of fully nude women because the ubiquity of internet pornography has made such images “passé.” So what are we supposed to do now, read the articles?
Physicist Explains Bengals Win By Earth’s Rotation: Famed cosmologist Neil DeGrasse Tyson claims that the reason Cincinnati Bengals Mike Nugent’s field goal attempt dropped in after striking the left side of the goalpost upright last Sunday, was because the Earth’s Coriolis force deflects airborne north-south projectiles to the right about 1/2-in per 50 yds. In other news, Congress announced they are considering legislation to prevent theoretical physicists from betting on football.
Wildlife Officials Say Mountain Lion Cubs Are Inbreed: Park officials say that two mountain lion kittens recently discovered in the Santa Monica Mountains are the product of “inbreeding.” Now I’m no wildlife expert, but if you ask me, this kind of hurtful, name-calling really solves nothing.