Long Lost Engagement Ring Turns Up Wrapped Around Carrot

Long Lost Engagement Ring Turns Up Wrapped Around Carrot: An Alberta woman found her 84-year-old mother-in-law’s lost engagement ring - lost 13 years ago while pulling weeds in her yard - wrapped around one of the carrots she pulled from her mother-in-law’s backyard garden. Now I knew trees had rings, but who knew carrots had them too? In addition, a local jeweler informed the woman her ring has increased in value by one carrot since it had been lost. Frankly, I’m just surprised it didn't turnip sooner - she's bean looking for it a long time now.

Cities Quietly Removing Confederate Memorials: In the aftermath of the recent deadly Charlottesville protests, mayors and city officials across the nation are quickly and quietly removing any Confederate memorials they may have within their jurisdictions. Observers say these Confederate memorials seem to be disappearing faster than CEO’s from President Trump’s Business Councils.

Bizarre Dinosaur is Missing Evolutionary Link: Researchers say an unusual vegetarian dinosaur called Chilesaurus - who had the silhouette of a flesh-ripping velociraptor - whose fossilized remains were unearthed in southern Chile 13 years ago, is a missing link in dinosaur evolution. OK - fine, but that still doesn’t tell us whether the creature was simply a regular vegetarian or was it a vegan? Don’t you think we have the right to know if this “vegetarian” Chilesaurus also abstained from cheese and dairy? I mean, is that too much to ask?

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Trump Calls Out Alt-Left for Charlottesville Violence: In perhaps his most bizarre press conference yet, President Donald Trump once again refused to forcefully denounce white supremacist protesters, instead basically laying blame for the Charlottesville violence on what he described as the “alt-left,” and then took some time to also promote his Virginia winery. Wow, that was quick. Donald must've taken a nice lunch meeting with Steve Bannon. So if I understand the President correctly, he was basically telling the white supremacists “I support you and your racist views, but I disavow hate - but only on both sides.” That ought to put everyone’s fears to rest.

LA and Honolulu Have Worst Traffic in US: According to a recent study, Honolulu was ranked as having the second-worst traffic in the nation, only behind Los Angeles. OK, but the question is, where would you really rather be stuck in traffic?

Gov’t Warns Against Using Hair Conditioner Following Nuclear Blast: The Homeland Security website Ready.gov is posting a warning to citizens that - following a nuclear blast - you should wash your hair with shampoo but do not use conditioner, because conditioner can bind radioactive material to your hair. And while its awfully nice of the Trump Administration to offer free doomsday grooming advice - I suspect that if you’re near where a nuclear bomb went off - you can pretty much expect to have a “bad hair day,” whether you use conditioner or not. And while I’m neither hair stylist nor nuclear scientist, judging from his recent photographs, it certainly appears that Mr Trump may have used conditioner.

Fleas in Arizona Test Positive for Bubonic Plague: Fleas in two Arizona counties have tested positive for carrying bubonic plague, an infectious disease that took the lives of millions of people in the Middle Ages. Health officials are urging Arizona residents to - if possible - avoid these fleas and ticks like the plague.

Kentucky Group to Protest Solar Eclipse: An ad-hoc organization called “Kentuckians for Coal” says it plans to protest all the attention the upcoming solar eclipse is generating, because it helps promote solar at the expense of the coal industry. Good point, after all - a mine is a terrible thing to waste.

Alabama Finally Passes Bestiality Law: The Alabama State Senate has voted 20-1 to make bestiality (zoophilia) a misdemeanor criminal offense punishable by up to one year in jail. The one senator who voted against the bill was at Petco and couldn’t be reached for comment.

White House Claims Condemnation Statement Included Hate Groups: In response to criticism for failing to directly condemn the hate groups involved in the Charlottesville alt-right rally that ended with three dead, the White House issued a statement which basically said the President meant them too. In all fairness, the President was quick to point out that the killer was clearly not a very courteous driver.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

TV Anchor Fired Over Hot Mic Slip: Weekend anchor Justin Kraemer was fired at Wichita NBC affiliate KSNW after he ended a night's newscast with "let's get the f**k outta here,” not realizing his mic was still hot. Well, he’s definitely “the f**k outta there” now.

Trump Threatens Venezuela With Possible Military Option: Speaking to reporters from his New Jersey golf course, President Trump further escalated his warnings against foreign powers, this time threatening the possibility of military intervention in Venezuela. After all this, many are starting to wonder which country Trump will threaten next. One thing’s for sure, with Trump in the White House, we’ll never have to worry about repeating Napoleon and Hitler’s big mistake of invading Russia.

Coffee Boosts Brain’s Ability to Store Long-Term Memory: Scientists have found that a shot of caffeine greatly enhances the brain’s ability to store long-term memories. Too bad, because I was hoping that one-day I could forget just how much money I spend at Starbucks.