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Mammoth Bones Found Under Oregon State's Stadium End Zone
A satirical look at current events!
Mammoth Bones Found Under Oregon State’s Stadium End Zone: A massive femur and several other bones from a 10,000-year-old mammoth have been found under the north end zone of Oregon State University’s Reser Stadium during an off-season renovation, the university said in a news release. Many archeologists are viewing this as the first conclusive evidence that mammoths may have played college football.
Study Finds People Confused About What Natural Label Means: A new study found that most people are completely in the dark about what the term “natural” actually means on a food packaging. I think its quite simple what “natural” means. It means you’re gonna pay three times as much.
Most Americans Don’t Believe Trump is Religious: A new poll found that most Americans do not believe Donald Trump, the Republican presidential frontrunner, is very religious or even religious at all. Gee, the public doesn’t see Trump as religious? Hell, I don’t even see him as a grown-up. On the other hand, he worships the “Almighty Dollar” and the dollar does say “In God We Trust.” That should count for something. Of course the real question is, if Trump really was religious, would that make him a Bible Trumper?
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Televangelist Wants $125M Christian Resort in San Diego: Televangelist Morris Cerullo says he wants to build a Christian-themed resort in San Diego that includes fancy timeshare suites, a Biblical museum, high-tech attractions and a 20-foot-high replica of Jerusalem’s wailing wall. Great idea! Forget all this feeding the poor and housing homeless veterans stuff, nothing says Jesus loves you better than a luxury timeshare, a high-end spa and a Jesus Gift Shop. Who could have guessed that Christianity would eventually evolve into kind of a high-end amusement park?
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Astronomers Say New Star Births Declining Sharply: Astronomers say that the rate at which the universe is giving birth to new stars has fallen continuously in the last 11 billion years. And sadly, many of the new stars that actually do come into existence, are quickly given up for adoption. Makes you wonder, if the Universe can’t even get laid, I guess we’re all screwed.
Study Says E-Cigarettes No Better Than Regular Cigarettes: A new study found that vapor from the popular e-cigarettes can damage or kill human cells just the same as regular cigarettes. Which makes sense when you consider that another study just found that i-Pads are really no better than regular pads.
Study Says E-Cigarettes No Better Than Regular Cigarettes: A new study found that vapor from the popular e-cigarettes can damage or kill human cells just the same as regular cigarettes. Which makes sense when you consider that another study just found that i-Pads are really no better than regular pads.
Ted Cruz Says He’s Christian First and American Second: At a recent press conference, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz told reporters “I’m a Christian first and an American second.” And here all the time I just assumed he was a lunatic first and a Canadian second.
Bagged Salads Linked to Deadly Listeria Outbreak in 6 States: One person is dead and 11 more have been hospitalized after falling ill with deadly listeria infections that experts have linked to a Dole brand bagged salad processing facility. A Dole spokesperson admits that in retrospect, it probably was a mistake to use Flint, Michigan water to rinse the lettuce.
Trump Brags He Could Shoot Somebody and Not Lose Voters: Republican frontrunner Donald Trump is so confident about how dedicated his supporters are to him, he recently told an Iowa crowd that he could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and wouldn’t lose any voters. Hell, he probably could shoot somebody and just blame Obama - it seems to work for everything else. That kind of reminds me of the story about 2 Corinthians were walking down 5th Ave - one opens fire. And of course, we all know what he would say to his gun immediately after the shooting…“you’re fired!”
Ben & Jerry’s Has New Bernie Sanders Flavor: Ben Cohen, co-founder of Vermont-based Ben & Jerry’s, has unveiled an ice cream flavor in honor of presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders called “Bernie’s Yearning.” And while they’re at it, they may as well introduce a flavor for Hillary Clinton. Perhaps they could call it “EstablishMint.”
