Unlike my bride, I am navigationally challenged. Without her I would be figuratively and literally lost. Let me put it this way--if Queen Isabella of Spain had chosen me rather than Columbus, we would still be looking for the New World.
I inherit my lack of direction honestly. My mother once guided my father from Montreal to Toronto. The only problem was they were supposed to be going to Quebec City. She had simply confused west and north.
On a recent fishing trip with my brother, we first landed in Vancouver. We were then supposed to head northeast to the fishing lodge. I drove and Phil directed. About a half an hour later I noticed a billboard, “Go Seahawks Go.” A few minutes later I saw a sign which read, “U.S. border in 5 miles.” We had been heading south the entire time.
I am no better than my mother or brother. Once I rented a car in Jacksonville, Florida and rather than look at a map, I did what most men do-- I asked a homeless person how to get somewhere. I literally drove in a gigantic circle and ended up an hour later exactly where I had started.
For me Los Angeles is far more difficult to navigate than New York City. I am not referring to the traffic which is daunting in both cities, but rather to the way the streets are laid out. Much of Manhattan is a simple grid. Running east/west the streets are numbered with the higher numbers uptown and the lower numbers downtown. Running north/south the avenues have lower numbers near the East River and higher numbers closer to the Hudson River.
If somebody tells you to meet them at 1st. Ave. and 14th st. ,you will probably be heading downtown and not very far from the East River.
Los Angeles as far as I can tell does not particularly care for numbered streets or avenues. Some of the street names are in Spanish, and I can’t even pronounce them. Frequently the streets change names just for the fun of it. For instance, San Vincente Blvd. becomes Burton Way for a few blocks, but why other than to confuse me? Worse than that, whoever drew up these streets didn’t know from a straight line. Most New York City streets stay on course, but in LA, Santa Monica Blvd., Wilshire Blvd., and several other streets start in one direction and then proceed in another. They even like to crisscross each other.
I refuse to buy a second GPS (my bride already owns one.) I am inundated with new fangled gadgets and don’t need any more. I will simply take my wife with me wherever I go.
