Arts & Entertainment
New Earth-Like Exoplanet Has Astronomers Excited
A satirical look at current events!
New Earth-Like Exoplanet Has Astronomers Excited: A newly discovered exoplanet roughly the size of Earth has astronomers really excited because it lives in a solar system only 39 light-years from Earth. Scientists say in terms of space proximity, this planet is so close to Earth that the NFL is already considering putting an expansion team there. And the weirdest thing is, all this time, it was apparently visible from Sarah Palin’s front porch.
Prehistoric Golan Heights Stonehenge Monument Fuels Mystery: A prehistoric stone monument that went unnoticed for centuries in a bare expanse of field on the Golan Heights that somewhat resembles Stonehenge, has scientists baffled as to what it is. Researchers who’ve visited the area contend that it would be just plain silly to try and figure out what this actually was until we’re able to talk to Ben Carson.
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Indonesia Plans Crocodile-Guarded Prison Island for Drug Convicts: Indonesia’s anti-drugs agency is creating quite a controversy by proposing building a prison on a remote island to hold death row drug convicts which would be guarded by crocodiles. Guess that’s one way to take a bite out of crime.
Jeb Bush Says He’d Kill Baby Hitler if He Could Time Travel: Presidential candidate Jeb Bush says if he could time travel, he would kill the baby Adolf Hitler. OK, so should anyone ever catch him driving around in a DeLorean, guess we’ll pretty much know what he’s up to.
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Modigliani’s Reclining Nude Sells For $170 Million: A painting by artist Amedeo Modigliani fetched $170.4 million at an auction, setting a world record for the artist and achieving the second highest price ever garnered for a work of art at auction. I was kind of surprised at the price, but I guess in light of the fact that Playboy isn’t publishing nude pics anymore, there must be a shortage. That said, I think Modigliani was a decent painter, but he obviously stole his style from Jack Dawson.
VW Offering $1,000 in Gift Cards to Diesel Owners: Volkswagen is offering $1,000 in gift cards and vouchers as a goodwill gesture to owners of of 482,000 small diesel-powered cars involved in an emissions cheating scandal. Volkswagen strongly recommends customers save a portion of that $1000 rebate to use for bribing DMV smog-testing technicians into letting you pass any future smog checks.
Christie Signs Anti-Bestiality Bill Into Law: Gov. Chris Christie has just signed into law a bill that makes bestiality a crime punishable by 18 months in jail and a fine of up to $10,000 in New Jersey. I was wondering about which side of that issue he stood. Aside of the morality involved, studies show bestiality can a dangerous practice, especially if you’re allergic to wool.
Trump Urges Starbucks Boycott Over Christmas Cups: Republican presidential contender Donald Trump is suggesting his supporters boycott Starbucks over the minimalist design of its annual holiday cups which lack obvious Christian symbolism. In addition, Trump indicated he’ll also be demanding a Ten Commandments Display be placed prominently in every Starbucks lobby.
Iran Leaders Won’t Attend Receptions Serving Alcohol: A diplomat said that Iran’s leaders won’t be attending events serving alcohol, after the French media reported that President Hassan Rouhani refused to attend a state dinner in Paris because wine was on the menu. In retrospect, French leaders admit that all the booze and pulled-pork sandwiches may have been a wee bit over the top.
