Arts & Entertainment
No Offers to Adopt UK Kitten With Hitler Mustache
A satirical look at current events!
No Offers to Adopt UK Kitten With Hitler Mustache: Staff at a British animal shelter say no one seems interested in adopting a six-week-old kitten whom they’ve playfully named “Kitler” because of a black mark under its nose that closely resembles Hitler’s mustache. Shelter workers say that while they fully understand people’s reluctance to adopt a cat that looks like Hitler, a kitten of this size would have very little chance of successfully invading a country such as Poland or Slovakia.
Late Night Swimmer Becomes First Alligator Death In Texas: In what is believed to be the state’s first fatal gator attack in two centuries, a man has been killed after shouting “screw alligators” and jumping into a Texas bayou late at night which displayed a prominent warning sign reading “no swimming alligators.” This is where punctuation really matters folks. The poor guy probably thought the sign meant alligators aren’t permitted to swim in the bayou. The man’s last words were reportedly “here, hold my beer.
Study Looks at Dating Out of Your League: A study on attraction conducted by researchers at the University of Texas at Austin found that the longer you know someone, the more of a chance you have with them, even if they’re much more attractive than you. So, if this study is correct, it appears that life is a hell of a lot like an Adam Sandler movie.
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Court Docs Say Bill Cosby Admitted Giving Drugs to Women for Sex: According to documents obtained by The Associated Press, Bill Cosby admitted in 2005 that he secured quaaludes with the intent of giving them to young women he wanted to have sex with, and that he gave the sedative to at least one woman and “other people.” My question is, wasn’t he one of the guys who used to be on the Cosby Show? If you ask me, the real lesson here is never trust anyone peddling pudd’n pops.
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Two London Teens Marry IS Group Fighters: A lawyer for the families says two teenaged girls (ages 15 and 16) who travelled from Britain to Syria, says they’ve received word that the girls have in fact married Islamic State (IS) group fighters. While some say they must have lost their heads (well, maybe not yet anyway), I’m sure they’ll be just fine. By the way, I wonder if anyone knows where they’re registered? I suspect the CIA would love to send them something real nice for a wedding gift.
Man in Maine Dies After Launching Firework Off His Head: Officials say a 22-year-old man from Calais, Maine - who was drinking and celebrating the Fourth of July with friends - died immediately after setting off a fireworks mortar from off the top of his head. The man’s friends argue that the package only warned about not holding the fireworks in your hand and didn’t mention anything about setting it off on top your head.
Researchers Lose Radio Frequencies Used to Track Wildlife: Park officials say researchers at Yellowstone National Park have lost their license for a set of radio frequencies which are used to track more than 100 radio-collared wolves and elk. Scientists say all attempts to convince the animals to download and sign-up for the OnStar system have so far failed.
Super-Muscular Pigs Created by Small Genetic Tweak: A team of scientists from South Korea and China says that it has been able to create super-muscular pigs by simply by using just a small genetic tweak. When asked just how muscular these pigs really are, one of the researchers said “well, let me put it this way, I wouldn’t recommend trying to call one of these pigs Porky.”
Monica Lewinsky Barred From Sitting in Al Gore’s Luxury Box: The Guardian reports that Bill Clinton’s infamous intern Monica Lewinsky was barred recently from sitting in former Vice President Al Gore’s luxury box during an advertising festival in Cannes and was moved to the main audience’s general seating for the night’s program without explanation. That’s OK, her best position is kneeling - not sitting anyway. In her defense, it seems kind of unfair that you do one president and the next thing you know, you have a reputation that seems to follow you everywhere. Now the question is, will Monica retaliate and bar Al Gore from her “luxury box?”
Gray Wolves Lose Another Fight in Washington: To the dismay of wildlife advocates who hoped it might mark a new era of compromise between conservation groups and cattle ranchers, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has denied a petition to grant more protections to the gray wolf in the United States. Well, that ought to give them something to howl about. And we wonder why these wolves are going gray!
Groups Protest Walmart in LA Chinatown: A coalition of neighborhood organizations say they are still extremely angry about the opening of a Walmart store in the Chinatown area of Los Angeles. Which is kind of ironic when you consider that just about everything sold in Walmart is made in China.
