Postal Service May Stop Saturday Deliveries: The financially struggling U.S. Postal Service says it is once again considering discontinuing delivering mail service on Saturdays. While this may inconvenience some, Postal officials say the move also means neighborhood dogs could pretty much be able to take Saturdays off.
Randy Quaid Taken Into Custody in Vermont: American actor Randy Quaid, who with his wife fled to Canada claiming they were victims of persecution and targeted by Hollywood star-whackers, has been taken into custody after trying to cross back into the United States from Canada. Good grief, if I were a border guard, I would have assumed that this was Santa coming back from the North Pole after a bad acid trip, not Randy Quaid. Shouldn’t we be giving this guy a break? I mean, after all, didn’t he help save the entire planet about 20 years ago in Independence Day? One thing’s for sure, if this guy has “star-whackers” after him, I’m gonna have to agree with groups like the NRA that this is someone who needs to be heavily armed for his own protection.
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Spanish Explorers Eaten By Aztecs Allies: Researchers say new evidence from ruins near Mexico City indicate that Spanish conquistadors, women, children and horses were imprisoned, sacrificed and then eaten by contemporaries of the Aztecs. What a wonderful dinner idea! Simply add a little rice and you’ve got a hearty plate of Spanish rice.
Daniel Craig Would Rather Die Than Play Bond Again: In a recent interview, Daniel Craig says he is done playing James Bond and would rather slash his wrists than play the iconic spy any longer. And that, my friends, pretty much opens the door for Zach Galifianakis.
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Petting Your Cat Will Keep it Healthy: A new study by animal researchers found that all one really needs to do to keep a cat healthy and free from infections is to pet it frequently. OK, but do I still have to feed him too?
Scientists Discover Why Elephants Rarely Get Cancer: Scientists say they believe they’ve uncovered the reason that elephants rarely get cancer - and the answer is that elephants have 38 genes which encode p53 - a compound that suppresses tumor formation. Of course, in all fairness, a related study found that humans almost never get hunted for their tusks.
Mall Installs Cameras in Parking Structures to Find Lost Cars: A mall in Santa Monica, California has installed the nation’s first camera-based system, designed to help mall patrons find lost cars within their parking structures. In related news, a church in Brentwood has decided to install cameras in their parking lot, with the hope of finding lost souls.
Ben Carson Suggests No Holocaust if Jews Had Arms: Ben Carson suggested in a recent interview that that the Jews may have been able to diminish the likelihood of the Holocaust if they just had arms. I’m not so sure that’s true. After all, Oscar Pistorius has arms and look at the mess he’s in.
