Study Finds Pornography Leads to Memory Loss: A new study out of Germany is claiming that pornography often leads to memory loss. Researchers say they reached that conclusion after data showed way too many people seem to be forgetting passwords to porn sites.
Man Gets 20-Foot Tapeworm from Eating Raw Meat: Chinese media reports that a 38-year-old man has become infected with a a 20-foot-long tapeworm as a result of his habit of eating raw beef. Its a scary thing when they need to use a tape measure to measure your tapeworm.
Humans and Neanderthals Mated Earlier Than Previously Thought: New evidence indicates that our species and Neanderthals were mating as far back as 100,000 years ago, some 50,000 years before what was previously thought. Scientists believe the mating began with the simplest phrases such as “would you like to come back to my cave and take a look at my etchings?” As for me, I’m not worried. Hell, 50,000 years has to be way past the statute of limitations.
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Poll Finds Many Texans Going Hungry: A new poll has found that as many as 20% of all Texans are really struggling to be able to afford food. In an effort to relieve further suffering, Texas officials suggest it might be a good idea for hungry residents to avoid watching networks like “The Food Channel.”
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Science Finds Universe Older Than Previously Thought: According to a new study, scientists miscalculated the universe’s age by 80 million years—meaning it’s actually 13.81 billion years old instead of the 13.4 billion previously thought. OK, so it turns out the universe might be a tad bit older than we thought, but so what? Age is just a number.
Snowfall Covers a Quarter of Earth’s Surface: Scientists say that at any given time, snow covers approximately one quarter of the surface of the earth. Yea, and the other three-fourths are covered with Starbucks cafes.
Texas Court Rules Parents May Stop Schooling Children: The all-Republican Texas Supreme Court has ruled 6-3 in favor of a Texas couple who have stopped teaching their homeschooled children because Jesus is coming back soon and their raptured children will not need an education. Wow, first we had Brexit, now Texit. Wonder what happens if it turns out you need a high school diploma to get into heaven? Perhaps “Jesus raptured my homework” might work. My question is, assuming courts are all about the facts, how did they prove to the court that Jesus is coming soon? Perhaps these justices were homeschooled also.
Ladies Prefer Thin Men Over Macho Men: A new study suggests that despite common belief, heterosexual women generally prefer a man who is on the thin side rather than someone on the macho side. Guess all this macho stuff is “wearing thin” on the ladies.
Sarah Palin Claims Brexit Vote Fights New World Order: In a recent Facebook post, Sarah Palin joined Donald Trump in congratulating the United Kingdom for quitting the EU and their secret apocalyptic globalist agenda. No surprise there, Palin would endorse quitting anything. Palin went on to add that as far as she’s concerned, Brexit is probably the most important meal of the day. Personally, I’ve always lived my life believing that if I ever do anything that gets praised by either Donald Trump or Sarah Palin, it’s a pretty safe bet I’ve made a horrible mistake.
Starbucks Introduces Coffee Jelly Frappuccinos: Starbucks Japan has just released a Coffee Jelly Frappuccino and they’re already setting the internet on fire. I’m not so sure about a Coffee Jelly Frappuccino, but a peanut butter and coffee jelly sandwich sounds great for lunch.
Hacker Tries Selling 655,000 Patient Healthcare Records: A hacker claims to be selling 655,000 alleged patient healthcare records on the dark web, containing information such as social security numbers, addresses, and insurance details. Damn, now I suppose the whole world is gonna find out about my hemorrhoid transplants.
Feds Bust Korean for Smuggling Erectile Dysfunction Drugs: Federal authorities at Los Angeles International Airport have arrested a South Korean traveler for attempting to smuggle $179,000 worth of a chemical that is used to treat erectile dysfunction. If convicted, he could be facing some pretty stiff penalties.
Britain’s National Health Service Treats Youngest Alcoholic: A 3-year-old who recently received hospital alcohol treatment has been called Britain’s “youngest alcoholic” by the National Health Service. The child’s parents say if the toddler doesn’t mend his ways soon, they’ll implement a “no hard liquor before noon” rule.
More Kids Getting Hurt by Toppling TVs: According to a study published in the journal Pediatrics, an average of 17,000 children come to the hospital with TV-toppling injuries each year, a rate of one every 30 minutes. Health officials say we can only hope that parents are finally starting to get the picture.
Mountain Mirrors Allow Small Norway Town to See Winter Sunshine: Because its tucked in between steep mountains, the town of Rjukan, Norway is normally completely shrouded in shadow six months a year. Now, thanks to three 183-square-foot mirrors placed on a nearby mountain, rays from the winter sun are being reflected for the first time on the city’s market square. After the instrument was completed, designers admitted they had no idea where to put it, until someone suggested “why not stick it where the sun don’t shine?”
