Arts & Entertainment
Teen Gets Stuck in Storm Drain Trying to Retrieve Her BlackBerry
A satirical look at current events!
Teen Gets Stuck in Storm Drain Trying to Retrieve Her BlackBerry: Firefighters had to lift a teenage girl out of a storm drain in Dover, U.K., after she wedged herself inside while trying to retrieve her BlackBerry mobile phone which had fallen into the sewer. I don’t fault her one bit. If I was still using a BlackBerry in 2016, I’d probably throw myself down a sewer too.
Roger Ailes Resigns as Chairman and CEO of Fox News: Fox News Chairman and CEO Roger Ailes, drowning in a deluge of sexual harassment allegations, has resigned from the mighty $2 billion cable operation he helped create - effective immediately. Now I realize companies are always trying to trim the fat, but it looks like Fox went right to the top with this move. Guess you can’t really blame Fox for trying to cure what Ailes them. And while I was never a fan of Roger Ailes, when I heard he’d been fired, I couldn't help but wonder, “why does it always seem to happen to the pretty ones?”
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NASA Space Probe Confirms Mercury Has Ice: In a surprising finding, NASA space probe Messenger has confirmed that Mercury, the closest planet to the sun, has a vast amount of ice at its north pole. Who cares about ice? Space probes don’t need cold beverages. The real question is, does it have any mercury? What the world needs now are affordable thermometers.
X-Shaped Bulge Confirmed at Center of Milky Way: New data conforms that there is a massive, x-shaped bulge at the center of our Milky Way galaxy. Astronomers say about the only explanation they can think of for a bulge that big is that it must be happy to see Uranus. Who knew astronomy was x-rated?
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Ex-KKK Leader David Duke Running for Senate: David Duke, the former Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, has announced he will run for U.S. Senate as a Republican in Louisiana. Well, he is running as a Republican in Louisiana, I doubt very many will really give a sheet he was in the KKK.
Nice Truck Attacker Plotted Attack for Months: New revelations indicate that the Nice truck driver who killed at least 84 people and injured hundreds more on Bastille Day, had been plotting the attack for months. An angry Donald Trump lashed out at the liberal media’s characterization, pointing out that “there was nothing ‘nice’ about that truck driver - he was an incredibly bad man.”
Theater Chains in Violation of Labor Laws: The US Labor Department has fined three major movie theater chains for being in violation of child labor laws. If convicted, industry executives could be sentenced to hard labor on a “theater chain gang.”
German Researchers Believe Dinosaurs Were Warm-Blooded: A new study by German researchers is suggesting that dinosaurs, long considered lethargic and cold-blooded giants, may have actually been warm-blooded creatures with high body temperatures. On the other hand, some might argue that just about anything might seem warm-blooded when compared to the Germans.
Scottish Computer Can Writes Jokes: A team of scientists in Scotland say they’ve developed a computer that can actually write jokes. Developers claim that the machine has already come up with 6 gigglebytes of material.
