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Trump Claims Seeing Thousands Cheering 9-11 Attacks
A satirical look at current events!
Trump Claims Seeing Thousands Cheering 9-11 Attacks: Donald Trump is claiming he saw “thousands” of people in New Jersey “cheering” as the World Trade Center came down during the September 11th terrorist attacks. Interesting! I assume this means if Trump’s elected, we’ll be bombing New Jersey.
Cheating Accusations Mar Zimbabwe’s Mister Ugly Contest: Judges have crowned a new winner of Zimbabwe’s 4th annual “Mister Ugly” contest, but the pageant was marred by controversy after the previous three-time title holder claimed he was cheated out of the title. Those in attendance say the pageant started out being a lot of fun, but turned ugly fast.
Find out what's happening in Malibufor free with the latest updates from Patch.
US Cats Kill Billions of Birds and Animals Yearly: A new study claims that roaming cats kill as many as 3.7 billion birds and 20.7 billion small mammals in the continental U.S. each year. To make matters worse, most of those deaths go unreported.
Rich and Famous Getting Special Terminal at Los Angeles Airport: Los Angeles International Airport officials have approved opening a special terminal far away from the paparazzi for the rich and famous to wait for their flights, but these well-heeled individuals can expect to pay $1,500 to $1,800 for access to the space. Engineers say the biggest obstacle they face in constructing the terminal will be making the entrance wide enough to accommodate both Kim Kardashian’s ass and Kanye West’s ego.
Find out what's happening in Malibufor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Man Arrested After Swinging Sword Around Inside Apple Store: Witnesses say a man has been taken into custody after wildly a swinging sword around inside the Manhattan Apple Store. I understand his frustration, but that’s not the way to get Apple to cut prices.
Passenger Removed From Chris Christie Flight: A passenger who happened to be aboard the same San Francisco to Boston flight as Republican presidential candidate Chris Christie, had to be removed from the plane before takeoff. A Christie spokesperson admitted that while the governor had no interaction with the man, he may have later asked flight attendants if he might have the ejected passenger’s in-flight meal.
Study Shows Plants Use Caffeine to Lure Bees: New research has found that caffeine-laced nectar enhances the learning process for bees, so that they are more likely to return to those flowers. Of course, everyone knows bees will do anything to catch a good buzz.
Texas Doesn’t Want Academics Fact-Checking Their Textbooks: After proclaiming “we don’t need any academic approval,” an overwhelmingly Republican Texas Board of Education soundly rejected a measure that would have required university experts to fact-check the state’s public schools’ textbooks after complaints about African slaves being described as “workers.” Well, I assume now that slaves are considered “workers” in Texas, I suppose the next logical move would be to replace the term “slave owner” with “job creator.”
