Politics & Government
Trump Lawyer Arranged $130K Hush Money to Keep Porn Star Quiet
A satirical look at current events!
Trump Lawyer Arranged $130K Hush Money to Keep Porn Star Quiet: The Wall Street Journal is reporting that a lawyer for Donald Trump arranged a $130,000 payment to former porn star Stormy Daniels one month before the 2016 election in an effort to keep her silent about an alleged sexual encounter with the future President.
Gee, who could’ve ever imagined a day when a report about the President of the United States paying out $130,000 in hush money to a hooker would only be the 3rd most embarrassing story about him that day? Hell, its getting to the point where even Charlie Sheen has more moral authority than this guy - winning! Of course, I’m sure Trump’s pals over at Fox and Friends will be asking “so what's wrong with banging porn stars and paying them hush money?"
To be fair, Republicans are quick to point out that Stormy Daniels is denying that the payout ever happened. I’m sure she is. I mean, isn’t that why they call these payouts “hush money?” That said, Trump must have assumed that because her name is Stormy - there'd be a good chance of showers - Golden Showers. In fact, rumor has it she’s busy writing a book about her experiences with the President entitled "Urine The White House Now.”
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Anyway, if I’m doing the math correctly, this $130,000 payout means Trump is paying out over $100,000 per inch - or, put another way - $60,000 a minute for her services. But come on - $130,000? And they say nobody pays for porn anymore! So much for Donald Trump’s superior negotiating skills.
One thing’s for sure, you can bet Republican Values Voters are gonna be just furious about this…just kidding! Apparently Values Voters interpret Two Corinthians as saying “it’s perfectly fine to cheat on your wife with adult film stars, just as long as you pay them off properly.” After all, nothing says “family values” like paying hush money to a porn star. One thing’s for sure, all these scandals are likely to make poor Melania squint her eyes even more than she already does.
