WHO Report Says Eating Red Meat as Bad as Smoking

WHO Report Says Eating Red Meat as Bad as Smoking: In a new finding, the World Health Organization (WHO) and the World Cancer Research says that eating red meat is equally as bad as smoking a cigarette and are set to list processed red meat among the most cancer-causing substances in the world. In response, meat processors are recommending consumers consider dying their red meat another color before eating. While some welcomed the report, others say its pretty obvious that both WHO and the World Cancer Research Fund are in the back pocket of Big Broccoli.

Bigfoot Believers Gather in Western New York: Scores of Bigfoot devotees have gathered in western New York, where they believe the legendary Sasquatch has left its footprints all over the region at the fourth annual Chautauqua Lake Bigfoot Expo. Attendees say the gathering was designed to publicly express their belief in Bigfoot and Donald Trump’s presidential campaign. All I can say is, wish I could have been there to sell my petrified unicorn eggs.

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House Republicans Introduce Bill Promoting Gun Silencers: House Republicans have introduced a bill that would weaken licensing requirements on gun silencers/suppressors, which they say is all about protecting people’s hearing. I heard that. Even if you’re committing a murder, its still not polite to disturb all the neighbors.

UK Researchers Say Woman Can Smell Parkinson’s Disease: Researchers from the UK-based Parkinson’s Foundation are doing research on a woman who appears to have the uncanny ability to determine if someone has Parkinson’s Disease by their smell. Wow, the way I see it, this is either something that could really revolutionize medicine, or its the worst party trick ever.

UK Lobbyist Claims Women Don’t Understand Fracking: A science professor and the chairwoman of the United Kingdom’s leading shale gas lobby is claiming that women don’t support fracking because they just “don’t understand” the science behind the oil extraction procedure. No kidding! Far too many women have this irrational distrust of fracking-induced earthquakes and water that is so chemically contaminated - you can light it with a match. Wise up ladies! And by her logic - because she is also a female - why would we trust her opinion?

Self-Healing Concrete in Real World Test: Researchers in the Netherlands say they are ready to test a “self-healing” concrete that can patch up cracks by itself. Construction firms are expressing hope that this concrete will turn out to be everything its cracked up to be.

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Man Arrested for Trying to Flush Fake Poker Chips Down Toilet: A man has been sentenced to five years in prison for using counterfeit chips at a poker tournament in an Atlantic City casino after he attempted to flush $2.7 million worth of them down the toilet of his hotel room. The question is, is dumping a bunch of poker chips down the toilet considered a “royal flush” or a “straight flush?”

First Alcoholism Vaccine to Begin Preclinical Trials: Alcoholism researchers at the University of Chile have begun testing a vaccine that delivers a medically induced hangover if the patient drinks any alcohol. OK, but I don’t really need a vaccine to get a hangover from drinking.