Counselor Calls on Disney Movie to Provide Parenting Tips

Emotional health counselor, professor and author Fred Luskin spoke in front of nearly 100 people at Menlo-Atherton High School last night and gave tips on how to be a better parent.

His hour long speech at the campus Wednesday focused on the concept of authentic parenting, or being the best parent one can be through acknowledging that everyone struggles with their own imperfections.

"Be yourself. Be who you are and parent your children from that point of view. Acknowledge that it is incomplete. But don't take on trying to be someone else. Authenticity is what kids want," he said. "You can't give your kids everything, but you can give them you."

Luskin also attempted to stress the importance of allowing children to be who they want to be, and told parents to give up the idea of trying to own their children.

"It's natural for them to push you away so they can be their own person," he said.

Luskin, who earned a Ph.D. from Stanford in Counseling and Health Psychology, now serves as a health consultant for the university and is a professor at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. He has also authored self-help books such as "Forgive For Good" and "Stress Free For Good," with co-author Ken Pelletier.

Luskin's appearance was presented by the Sequoia Union High School District in an effort to provide a educational opportunity for parents. He reminded those in attendance that they likely battled their own parents in an attempt to achieve individuality, and may have resented their parents reluctance to allow that progression.

Recalling the difficulties of that struggle should help parents relate to their own children, and remind them that this rite of passage is natural for all people transitioning to adulthood, he said.  To that end, he reminded parents that each person's journey is one of the nearly 6 billion people on earth today, all attempting to cope with many of the same hurdles.

He evoked the concept of the Circle of Life from Disney's The Lion King to provide perspective to his point that everyone is in this life together, and there is a commonality to the struggles we all share. Luskin said that often people are too caught up in their own lives to see the big picture, and that it often takes unfortunate circumstances, such as a loved one dying, to be reminded of life's beauty.

He encouraged people to slow down a little bit and proverbially smell the roses.

"Be grateful. See life clearly. Don't complain so much about our partners or children. We don't practice enough love. Notice the good in those around you," he said.

The best gift a parent can provide their child is the ability to give and receive love,  which is the most basic human need, said Luskin.

"Everyone craves to love and be loved," he said.

He encouraged parents to focus less on emphasizing to their children the importance of competition and self-assertion, and encouraged them more to preach the importance of appreciating community.

"The happier people like other people," he said. "And the happiest people are those who appreciate those in their life."

Luskin said that one's parenting skills are limited by their personality flaws, and being an authentic parent means accepting one's limits, attempting to improve their flaws for the sake of their loved ones, but ultimately being one's own, natural, self.

"You cannot be any more authentic parent than you are a person," he said. "You are an authentic parent, you are an authentic person, you are who you are."

"And the fact that there are people who spend time with you, who don't loathe you, that is amazing."

He encouraged parents to attempt to enjoy the process of raising their children, despite the difficulties involved, and that all things considered, most children usually turn out to be well-adjusted adults.

"Don't get lost in the anxiety and tension," he said. "Most kids grow up fine. Appreciate the fleeting gift of having a life to care for."