Caregivers: Yell

We all know that taking care of others can be frustrating. Our loved one doesn’t like or understand our suggestions. We want things to go right – and smoothly – the first time. So often that is just not going to happen. Unless the disappointments and points of disagreement are addressed, we can slide into anger and resentment that benefits no one.

So what do you when you feel you have reached a limit with your loved one, when you cannot stuff your feelings into a box that can be padlocked shut?

According to Barry J. Jacobs, Psy.D., you yell.

Yep.

In a recent AARP article he wrote about losing his temper:
“I hadn’t yelled this loud and long since my kids were little and disobeyed me. I had never yelled like this at my mother. But one night recently when I was very tired and had discovered she had frittered away money she couldn’t afford, I lost my temper and let loose with a top-of-the-lungs rant. She closed her eyes and didn’t respond. This made me madder, and I yelled some more. It took me minutes, not seconds, to calm myself down.”

Like so many of us, he felt horrible afterwards. His mother had mild dementia. How could he have gone off like that, right?

Wrong.

The incident proved to him that he was feeling overwhelmed and had lost his patience. It also showed him that he cared deeply about his mother’s well-being. He used it as a signal that he needed to find ways to deal with the whole gamut of feelings that come with being a family caregiver.

Here are some tips I took from this article:

• Being angry and lashing out IS bad behavior but not a sign that you are abusive.
• Know your body’s signs that you need a break so that you can avoid hurting others and yourself with your anger.
• That we all make mistakes AND we can choose to learn from them rather than repeat them.

To read the complete article click here.
To read more tips, download my free ebook: 13 Tips for Caregivers.