Between claim and reality: These qualities come in when choosing a partner

With the start of the year, thanks to good intentions not only the fitness studios are getting full, the online partner search is also very popular. But what does the search for partners? The ElitePartner study shows that it is not enough to rely on a filled bank account or an impressive job title. After all, professional success, merit and the power of enforcement play a subordinate role in the choice of a partner. And: not always, desire and reality agree, because some partner selection criteria have more influence than many believe.

These are the most popular features:

1. Loyalty (92%)

2. Warm-hearted (92%)

3. Humorous (92%)

4. Affectionate, tender (90%)

5. Intelligent (90%)

6. Educated (86%)

7. Careful (84%)

8. Self-confidence (82%)

9. Good Lovers (75%)

10. Independent, independent (75%)

11. Family-oriented (74%)

12. Attractive, handsome (65%)

13. Effectiveness (59%)

14. Professionally successful (43%)

15. Financially well-off (42%)

Claims: Women are still looking for the alpha softie

Above all women have high demands. As the ElitePartner study showed in 2012, they are looking for the Alpha Softie: a man who combines classic "alpha" roles like lovers and self-confident partners with the modern role of the caring family father and "softie" qualities such as warmth and tenderness. Above all, a similar view of life is important for both women and men: 87 per cent it is important that the partner shares the same interests, 85 per cent pay attention to matching values and goals and two-thirds to a suitable lifestyle. But also a similar degree of education (52 percent) and a similar political attitude (44 percent) are relevant for many.

Between desire and reality: unconscious partner selection criteria

However, demand and reality are not always close to one another. Not only because desire is frequently too perfect - but also because unconscious patterns are affecting the actual choice of partner. At least the ElitePartner study suggests 2017: For this purpose, more than 5,300 singles were asked, which criteria are particularly important to them when choosing a partner, and 4,000 who were actually referring to the current partner. The differences are partly remarkable: only 58 per cent of the single women say they are important to have a larger partner, but 87 per cent actually have one. Likewise, less than every fourth woman desires to be a better-earning man, but in reality 63 percent are linked to one. Only 41 per cent of men are based on a partner with similar qualifications, but in fact 61 per cent have a similar education. Also the age, lifestyle and a consistent political attitude are more important to many than they themselves believe.

Lisa Fischbach, a psychologist from ElitePartner, sees the conflict between conservative electoral patterns and the wish to emancipate from them: "Criteria such as age, merit or body size often have a tendency to social desirability. For more information about ElitePartner visit www.der-singleboersen-test.de. Many want to correspond rather to a modern, open self-image and point to their preferences, a tolerant point of view. However, in the actual partner selection, it is possible to see which partner election dynamics have a clear effect. Despite a modernly postulated gender understanding, apparently conservative, almost archaic election patterns also influence the choice of a partner."