Are You Fun Or Having Happy?

Are You Fun Or Having Happy?

Recently I was taking a group of Hebrew School students on a field trip to visit seniors and bring them some Chanukah spirit. They were so excited to be going on the trip and as we were driving one of the girls said that this was so much fun.

I thought to myself that this is a teaching moment. I wanted them to understand the difference between going to visit someone and make their day versus going to Disneyland. Both would seem to be fun but they were so different.

So I got everyone quiet and I asked them if they could tell me the difference between fun and happiness? And the conversation began. “I don’t know” was one response. “You’re happy when you are having fun” was another. “We give up” was the last answer.

So what is the difference? Are they connected? What I tried to convey to the students was that fun was a description of how much you were enjoying the activity. Happiness was a feeling you got from doing something important that you were needed for. So you could be doing something that was happy but not having so much fun and you could be having fun and it would not necessarily make you happy.

Hopefully going to visit the seniors was something that you feel and understand is important and something for which you are needed and therefore it would bring you happiness and at the same time be fun as well.

Disneyland claims that it is the happiest place on earth, I think it would be more accurate to claim that Disneyland is the funnest place on earth (I don’t know how they could prove it or spell it). Happiness is not measured by how much you are enjoying something but rather by how important it is.  

It is for this reason that it is very possible for someone to not have any fun at all and yet be very happy and it is also possible for someone to have a lot of fun and be very unhappy. For example you could get a lot of happiness from helping a person who is very sick or lonely because you knew you were needed and it was important to them. At the same time after spending a day in Disneyland or some other fun place you might not feel so happy.

As a matter of fact fun many times gets in the way of real happiness.

The more we are addicted to fun the more challenging it is to really be happy.

Fun is self-oriented, happiness is other oriented.

In the Torah there is no word for fun but there are multiple words for happiness.

Real sustained happiness in any relationship is based on being happy to be of service and to fulfil the needs of another.

Self-interests can be an obstacle to happiness in relationships. Fun can reinforce our own needs and may not develop our ability to have happiness.

We can help our children to become happier people by modeling this for them. If a child observes how much the parent enjoys being of service and how they derive happiness from it they will develop that sensitivity as well. If on the other hand they observe the opposite than they will develop an aversion to it.

This is a time of year when we have time off from work and school and the question that invariably arises is what are we going to do? Especially with children, they want to know what are we going to do that is fun? Helping children and ourselves to be more happiness focused and less fun oriented will help us all be healthier and happier in our lives and in our relationships.

It is possible to eat your cake and have it too by having fun devoting yourself totally to your family, community and G-d.

What was most amazing was the reaction of the students. At first they were having a hard time with the idea but once they got it they had the biggest smiles on their faces. The happiness of getting it and understanding this idea was so much fun. And so was our visit, they were so happy doing the mitzvah of visiting the elderly and the fun was knowing that it made the seniors day.

Rabbi Zalman Marcus