Middle Aged and Unemployed in Monrovia

I loved my job. I really truly loved that job. It was the first time in my life that I actually found myself waking up in the morning looking forward to going into work. I actually thought, WOW, THIS IS MY RETIREMENT JOB. Great bosses, great workmates, and great perks.  At age 50 you just think this is the job I’m going to retire from.

Was I sooooo wrong. I found myself turning 50 and feeling great, happy and what can go wrong, right? And even if something went wrong, hey I can handle it. Or could I? I was happy and complacent with my job. I thought it would be there forever, not thinking that the economy would affect us. I was in denial. I figured if I didn’t think about it, my job was safe. I continued to think that way, until the first person in our office was laid off last April of 2010.  Then two lawyers left and took one of the secretaries with them. I actually worked for one of the attorneys. 

Feelings of inadequacy: Why didn’t I get asked?  Explanation: We are a new law office, can’t afford the overhead. Ok, I thought that is a good answer.  

Then another person was laid off. That person had been there for over 45 years. Who was I to think that being there for 5 years would bring me immunity? Well once again, sooooooo wrong. The writing was on the wall and I couldn’t ignore it any longer. 

All kinds of things raced through my mind. Depression set in, I couldn’t sleep due to the stress. I cried at anything. My poor hubby couldn’t say anything to me. I started to show anger towards my husband. Anything he would say to me would be answered with HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT IM’ FEELING. YOU HAVE A JOB. What was I going to do? Who would hire me? I’m 50. The younger would get hired before a 50 year old woman with a lot of secretarial experience. Who’s going to want to pay me what I was earning when you can hire someone cheaper? Being middle aged and unemployed is scary.

So I did what every normal American is doing these days. I turned to Unemployment. It’s not a good feeling. You feel like a failure. But you know, there are thousands out there everyday, going through the exact same thing. We’re not failures. We’re just because. Just because the economy turned bad. Just because they are hiring cheaper. Just because there isn’t work being produced. Just because people are not spending as much.  JUST BECAUSE. Now I’m looking at unemployment with different eyes. Eyes of opportunity. No more sadness. What turned it around was a great radio segment on being a volunteer on NPR. When you volunteer you don’t focus on yourself. You focus on someone else. But I’m leaving that for another blog.  So I laid out goals.  1)  Lose weight  2) Take up Yoga  3) Volunteer  4) Write a blog.   Yes write a blog.

My blog will be a voice to the middle aged who think they can’t make it due to unemployment or are afraid they won’t find employment. I will also share my goals and how and if they are being met.  A voice for those who would like to share similar experiences and maybe not so similar experiences. You’re not alone. Please share your comments. Maybe we can help each other. I know I’m already feeling better. This will be an adventure if you will. I will also share the whole entire job seeking experience. From writing my resume to the interviews and the results. It should be fun.            

Cheers! 

--Nic