Follow-Up: Martial Arts Fanatic Seeks Conservative Sandra Bullock

I wanted to catch up with past singles and while Bulgarian beauty, , dished on her latest escapades last week, I wanted to find out how the men were doing. The last time I spoke with was back in May when I was losing my religion at Cocktails. I remembered that he was a devout conservative with a penchant for non-smokers. But seven months is a long time and a few things have changed, mainly due to a wolf in sheep’s clothing… and politics.

Name:

Age: 53

Occupation:  Martial Arts Instructor/Actor 

Current Location:

Relationship Status: Single 

Interested In: A non-smoking conservative.

I still can’t believe your age when I sit here and look at you. What have you been up to since we last spoke? I remember you did a movie. What was it? 

Alien Armageddon. I played the main alien.

Is it any good?

To tell you the truth it was better than I thought it would be! It‘s decent.

How was your ? 

Very good. I spent it with my sister and her boyfriend in Glendale. She is a really good cook. But whoever invented green bean casserole should be shot. My sister’s boyfriend won awards for special effects make-up in Avatar and he is working on Lone Ranger with .

Oh, is Depp the Lone Ranger?

No. He’s Tonto.

Who is playing the Lone Ranger?

I couldn’t tell you.

Oh! Why? Is it top secret?

No. I just don’t know the answer! 

(Laughs) Oh. How is your daughter doing?

Good. I am going to see her over .

Where are you working these days?

I am delivering blood work to laboratories until I find a better job.

Can I get free movie tickets for giving blood?

I don’t know. That’s not what I do.

That’s too bad. How is teaching the stuff?

Good. A bit slow, but I might be teaching in Fontana soon.

I remembered how much you liked teaching that Steven Seagal stuff.

Except it’s not that kind of stuff. 

Right. I remember that now, too. Have you been dating?

I have been on some dating sites, but I had to get off because I went on three and the photos do not even look close to what the actual people look like.

Oh no! Did you go and meet them?

After I met with them; that was it. The look on my face was just confused. They looked completely different. One girl said she was athletic and works out like me. When I saw her, I realized the last time she worked out was 1985.

Maybe she worked out with Jane Fonda.

Maybe.

Who is your celebrity crush?

Sandra Bullock.

So, does that mean I am sort of your type?

Yes. But you are .

Yeah. I suppose. What are the three qualities you look for in a woman?

Athletic, conservative and non-smoker. But as far as politics, I am Independent because the Republicans are making me very angry.

Who are you gunning for in the elections?

Herman Cain so far.

Really? Ugh.

Well, I don’t like Mitt Romney because I don’t like his health care plan and Newt Gingrich drives me nuts. So, right now he is the most conservative. But wait a minute. No. I would say Michelle Bachman.

I think you and I just broke up. Did you say ?

She is a constitutional conservative.

Thanks for reminding me why I don’t like her.

Anyone is better than Obama. A tuss cog would be better than Obama.

What’s a tuss cog?

Who cares!