Natalie Portman Doppelganger Seeks Golden Boy

It was a Sunday afternoon in downtown Montrose. Birds were chirping, were playing, meters were running low and I was looking for the right candidate to jump out of the page from my scrupulous and often boring novel of life. Then I saw Courtney. I could swear she was actually skipping with a smile, although that may have all been in my head. She may as well have had bluebirds on her shoulder, though. This teenage -focused exercise addict was the perfect subject, not just for —but for making us all feel older than we actually are.

Name: Courtney S.

Age: 18

Occupation: Student

Current Location: Corner of Honolulu and Ocean View

Relationship Status: Single

Interested In: More than just a pretty face 

What are you doing out today in Montrose?

We were exercising … because it’s summer time, the beach … gotta look good!

Where were you?

My friend and I just walk around and I am actually going to 24-hour Fitness later to do some cycling, and .

Are you in school?

Yes, I go to UC Merced. It’s in Northern California near Fresno.

What do you study?

I am undeclared right now.

I think that’s good. It’s hard to know what you want this early on.

Exactly. I might be a business major because then I have a lot of options. It’s hella hard to get into med school.

Wow. I haven’t heard that word in 'hella' in a long time. Kickin’ it No Cal style. I can’t believe I just said 'kickin it.' Did you grow up here?

Yea, I lived here for 15 years. I went to . I am back visiting for the summertime.

What’s the most fun you have in Montrose?

Sushi! I go to It’s pretty good. I like and , too. Movie theaters, however, not so much.

Why not? 

Because they don’t have stadium seating, and it’s small, so I go to Glendale to The Americana. I shop there, too. But here is fun if you have the time and money. 

What does one do in that place anyway?

You can pick a little ceramic thing and take the time and paint it and then they fire it for you.

Do you ever want to get married?

Yea, I do. That’s going to be a while away. Finding a right now? No. They’re way too much work.

Smart woman. And they don’t get any more mature, by the way.

Yikes.

So, if you had to chose three qualities in a guy, what would they be?

Sense of humor. Compatibility, because you don’t want to be sitting around thinking, "This guy is cute, but we have nothing to talk about!" I like to chitchat and gossip, and if he doesn’t like to do that we’re probably not going to work.

So, you want a gay guy.

Oh, and faithfulness would be the other one. I have a zero-cheating policy.

That’s a good idea. You should make them sign something. Which, I suppose, is what a marriage certificate is.

A pre-nup.

Actually, that’s a great idea. That would have helped a lot of us sue a lot of ex’s for cheating. What else are you doing this summer?

I go to the gym a lot, and I work at ! I worked there all of my senior year and now in the summer. Luckily, they took me back because all the kids are back looking for this summer.

That’s fun.

Service can be tough. You can be really nice and they can just be rude either way.

I used to bartend when I was around your age.

Oh! Was it fun?

Let’s just say that adding alcohol to all those rude people doesn’t help much. 

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