Aging Caregivers

As we expand our capacity to live longer, we also increase the needs we will have. That means that family caregivers who assist their loved ones may likely be doing so for longer than ever before. This is good news because we want our loved ones to live as long as possible and to be cared for as needed and deserved.

But what happens to those family caregivers who are also aging alongside their spouses, parents, or adult children? How can they continue to keep up with the care needs of others and what happens if they, too, need care?
In a New York Times article by Paula Span (New Old Age) these concerns are addressed head-on. Many of the caregivers she references, self-described, are not “spring chickens” anymore. Yet the find their days and nights are filled with caregiving errands, housekeeping, meal preparation, select medical tasks, and more. They are always on the clock, unless they can afford to bring in outside help to relieve them.

For aging caregivers this can be quite challenging. Especially because most people want their loved one to stay home and/or they simply can’t pay the high cost of nursing home care.

We know we can (hopefully) age gracefully but that won’t stop the aging process. We find we need more rest, perhaps a more specialized diet, and more opportunities to social with others so that we don’t become too isolated.
According to an AARP Policy Institute survey, the number of caregivers 75+ has increased. Span wrote, “They constitute 7 percent of those who provide unpaid care to a relative or friend, the survey found — more than three million seniors helping with the so-called activities of daily living…”

She also mentioned that today’s caregiving debate explores the benefits and the stresses of the situation.
In caretaking my wife Margaret before she died unexpectedly from Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer, I had very little in which to be her caregiver. In our late 60’s we had only six months together and we had resources that allowed us to make what time we had as wonderful as possible.

I am sure, like many others, I would’ve done whatever was necessary – whatever I was able to do - had she lived longer. But I will never know. There was no nursing home in our future and I was in relatively good health.
But this begs the question: what do aging caregivers need and can we, as a society, help them?

We must begin by acknowledging that caregiving a family member can be overwhelming. Many caregivers are not asking for help because they are either too busy to figure out how to get it (where to go) or too ashamed by the fact that they need assistance, physically, emotionally, and economically. In other words, they believe they would be burdening others.

That’s why I wrote Three Months: A Journey from Heartbreak to Healing and two free ebooks on the topic. I wanted to let others know they were not alone. I wanted what I had learned (the hard way) to be of use to others.
The more information we have, the easier it will be to address the unprecedented needs of aging caregivers.

To read Paula Span’s complete article, click here.