Teens and High School: The Sting of Not Getting Accepted Into Your 1st Choice College Is a Stepping Stone, Not a Road Block

There’s something about the dreaded college rejection letter that no matter what the words say, the message received is you’re not quite good enough. And that hurts – a lot! Fast forward ten years. Walk into any professional setting of over 50 people and ask the question “How many of you were accepted to your 1^st choice college after graduation?” and I would lay odds that very few would raise their hands. But that perspective does not help a senior who received a college rejection letter this semester. That’s where parents come in.

Helping your teenager put the college rejection letter in proper perspective, against the total scheme of their life, is next to impossible. The hurt is too deep, the pain is too fresh. (That deep and fresh thing may run true for you, too.) So, wait a bit, then sit down and have a discussion about the letter with your teen. And don’t spend a minute with phrases such as if only, you should have, and the infamous I told you. Such phrases will only serve as vinegar in a wound that wants to heal.

Instead, talk about next steps, best case scenarios, and alternative choices that will lead to the same outcome – college graduation with a celebrated degree. Recall the professional setting of over 50 people? Rarely is someone ever asked “from what college did you graduate?” The given is that you graduated and received your degree. Yes, there is a pride in attending your 1^st choice college but that is an immediate pride and short term goal. The long term goal and lasting pride is to graduate with your degree. And that takes carefully planted stepping stones. Make the conscious decision to let the rejection letter be a stepping stone and not a road block to college graduation. Don’t look back! The energy lamenting what might have been is better spent planning what is sure to be.

It was Alexander Graham Bell in his wisdom who said “When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”