Caregivers & Guilt

No family caregiver is a saint.

Human beings are ‘built’ to experience and express a full range of emotions. Properly released they can help block stuck places and can even result in creating solutions to otherwise nagging problems.

But what happens with those ‘problems’ can’t be fixed because they are not – and never will be - open and shut cases that can be wrapped up in predictable, neat and tidy ways?

Welcome to the world of caregiving!

Caregivers, family caregivers in particular, can be faced daily with challenging situations that do not lend themselves to easy solutions. For many, there are no shortcuts through the feelings that can come up.

Realistically, caring for a loved one who is unable to care for his or her self can be downright heartbreaking. To be there when illness, and/or disability changes life that once was is not a situation for the faint hearted. It requires resiliency and the ability to accept, and then learn to cope with, what is happening.

But, that can be stressful; especially when the caregiver is already managing his or her own life as well and perhaps the life of others in the family.

Often feelings of guilt well up. Unexpressed or inappropriately released it can create a no-win situation that serves only to complicate the caregiver’s ability to hear, see, and/or think clearly.

Here are some suggestion about how to work with these potentially overwhelming emotions:

Guilt: Because each caregiving situation is unique there is no one pat way to take care of things. As a result, caregivers often overextend themselves, hoping to cover all of the bases. Often they can’t.

However, it is possible to come to terms with the facts that humans aren’t saints, no matter how perfect their situation may be. Everyone has different capacities. Pay attention to personal strengths and weaknesses. Don’t overstay a visit if you are feeling frustrated by a loved one’s needs.

In fact before that frustration turns to self-blame (and guilt) see if there are other ways to ‘be’ with the feeling. It might be an indication that other arrangements may need to be made. Maybe a pre- or post-visit period of rest and relaxation might help. Or maybe it’s time to share that particular activity with someone else.

This is a way to transform the cycles of guilt that can otherwise overshadow all of the good work family caregivers do on behalf of their loved ones.