Caregiving an older person comes with it specific complications. Life as they knew it may have changed. Independence wanes as does memory and physical resiliency. All of these become ingredients for the perfect storm: anxiety.
If you are aware of this you can actually ease some of the concerns that could make your ability to provide care difficult. Unaddressed, they could evolve into serious issues that could compromise your loved one’s ability to receive the care that is so important.
The time I had to be a caregiver for my wife Margaret was limited. Because there were only three months between the unexpected Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis and her last day with us, we did not experience a long build-up of anxiety.
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Even so, when I read When Worry Becomes a Concern by Caroline Tapp-McDougall, I was still able to recognize some of the common reasons she suggests seniors who are being cared for worry. They include:
• loss of autonomy
• fear or relocation
There is no doubt that these ‘uncontrollable’ changes can create chaos for your loved one. That chaos can trigger feelings of hopelessness as well as anger and resistance. And that, in turn, can make your efforts to make decision about the quality of their care hard. The stress can actually have a domino effect that generates a no-win situation.
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What’s important to remember is that some of the traumatic impact can be minimized.
Make a list of what you can control. This includes living expense budgets and how important legal matters, such as wills and insurance work. This way you can be better prepared when dealing with those aspects.
Understand that changes will require time to adapt for all concerned. An elder who has lost his or her ability to drive, for example, will have to develop new transportation options. If that includes public transit then keep in mind this can be overwhelming and confusing. If possible, help him or her become familiar with the new methods in as relaxed an environment as possible.
Most likely, you will be more involved in overseeing how your loved one gets places and that will take time that had not been previously scheduled. Anticipate what days and times are best for routine trips to avoid last minute crunches. Remember to allow for slow starts.
Worries can become depression for your loved one. Learn about the signs of depression, among them isolation, and consult with experts. Some forms of depression can be dispelled early. Others may require medications.
The goal is to reduce the stress, in whatever form it takes, so that your loved one is able to use the care you so lovingly offer.
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