Depression: The Second Stage of Grief When Buying a Home

In part one of this series about the grief associated with the home buying process I discussed how I found similarities between the Stages of Death as described by Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross in her book “On Death and Dying” with the purchase of a home. Part one described the emotion of Euphoria. Here I will describe the next emotion - Depression.

In some cases you may have been searching for your perfect home for a period of months during which you will experience various stages of emotions. When I first meet with clients I prepare them for this by telling them that during a real estate transaction the journey will be a rocky one but that tenacity will pay off in the end. My clients typically experience a combination of excitement and anxiety when their offer is submitted and subsequently feel extreme stress when the transaction is coming to the end … lenders are asking for a variety of documents and your agent will be asking you to sign what seems to be a never ending stream of real estate documents filled with legal terms and disclosures that you are not sure that you fully understand.

Depression: With the current lack of inventory in both Riverside and San Diego Counties, you may be have made several offers on various homes. Your emotions fluctuate from elation - when you feel you have found the right home, to depression – when your REALTOR informs you that yet another offer wasn’t accepted and that your offer will be held in a backup status. Backup offers are those that the listing agent holds as standby offers in the event there is a problem with the originally accepted offer.

After going through repeated highs and lows you may want to throw up your hands and walk away in frustration. You may feel unworthiness or rejection. Understand that what you are feeling is normal given the emotional toll put on you and your family. This is when your REALTOR should keep you motivated by maintaining frequent communication with you assuring you that he or she will be there to see you through the process to the end. Your REALTOR should remind you that it is a buyer’s market and that at some point in time the prices will rise, interest rates will go up and home ownership may be out of reach. The tables will turn and the sellers will have the advantage.

One day your agent calls you with some good news – your offer has been accepted! Now the emotions may be shock, euphoria and disbelief. But, then the dreaded second guessing will set in. All of your adult life you have been told that the purchase of a car and a home are the two biggest purchases you will make. If you are fortunate enough to be purchasing a home that is listed as standard (traditional) or real estate owned (REO) sale, in a few weeks you will sign documents on the purchase which is usually the bigger of the two biggest investments you will make in your lifetime. If you have an accepted offer on a short sale property your anxiousness most likely will be extended as you wait for the banks go through their approval process. Every “what if” situation you can think of will cross your mind. You remind yourself that you will be signing a contract for a 30 year loan and panic sets in.

REALTOR recommendations: Although you should already have done it, repeat the process of make a pro’s and con’s list as to why you are purchasing a home or this specific home. Will you be paying equal or less than you paid in rent? Are you seeking security for yourself and your family? Was your resolve to buy a home now due to the drop in housing prices? Undoubtedly, you will run through a gamut of emotions but ultimately you will find the strength to forge through the next big step in achieving your goal of home ownership - getting through escrow.

Next topic: Anger/Denial

Lorraine Best the spouse of a retired disabled military Veteran and is Temecula-based real estate broker and Homes for Heroes Affiliate. An expert in military-related real estate, she is more than happy to answer any questions you might leave in the comment section. She can be reached at 951-233-6334