10 Things I Hope My Children Learn - No. 5: L-O-V-E

I hope my children learn to love, and I hope they realize they are loved. I’m not the most qualified to teach them love, but I am probably the one their understanding of love comes from.

Everyone loves love. Love is great. Friend love, family love, romantic love. All get four stars. I am sure I got lust mixed up for love when I was younger, but I have learned over the years that true love is quite different than lust, even different than like. And yet, I feel I know very little about it. But here are a few things I’ve learned.

Love makes you vulnerable. C.S. Lewis writes in The Four Loves: “to love is to be vulnerable”. Yep, love will open you up to hurt. But that’s the deal. What’s so great about that? In Shadowlands, the movie about C.S. Lewis and his brief marriage to Joy Davidman Gresham, she said to him (after she told him she is dying): “The pain then is part of the happiness now. That’s the deal.” I don’t like that part, but the door to joy is also the door to pain.

Love is joyful. I have found that loving someone is joyful. Even in difficult circumstances when you choose to love someone instead of being bitter or unforgiving, there comes a subtle joy.

Love is also strong. Love doesn’t need to be reciprocated to be active. Most of us have experienced loving someone who either doesn’t love in return, cannot love in return or is even hostile to you. But, for some reason, we keep loving.

Love transforms. For a long time I felt unlovable and unworthy of someone’s love. It was an all-pervasive feeling that I could not overcome. I have been a Christian for a long time and still struggled. There is a verse from the Bible that likens God’s love to the love of a parent toward their child. From that verse I began to understand what love was. As a mother, I could relate to this verse – I, naturally, feel that way toward my kids. That biblical illustration somehow took root in my heart, and the unlovable and unworthy feelings began to fade. There was a Being loving me like I loved my children. And my transformed soul began to grow, a soul no better than others, and no worse.

And, finally, love is courageous. “Perfect love casts out all fear…” Well, as one who is well acquainted with fear, courage must be a characteristic of love. I need the courage it takes to keep connected to those I love, even those who may step on my toes. I need courage to say things in love when it may not be well-received. And I need courage to come out of my shell, overcome my inhibitions and be vulnerable. Madeleine L’Engle wrote: “When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.” To love is to live. I hope my kids live and love well.