Impending Bliss

I confess I am a doom-and-gloomer. I suppose it goes back to 1969 when there was an earthquake. It was just about 10:00 p.m., and I was in the pre-sleep stage just before you fall into the next morning. Then, some giant seemed to pick up our house, shake it like shake ‘n’ bake, and put it down. I was beyond startled and couldn’t get back to sleep until after 4  just to be awakened by the strongest aftershock at 5:30 or so.

This experience has stayed with me to this day. Sometimes, not so much anymore, but sometimes, at night I will turn off the news (because that is so depressing) and just lie in bed and listen. Listen to the wind rattling the screen, the fish plopping for food, Kimo next door and his high-pitched yelp, the slow deep breathing of children nearby and the quiet. Often, I become a little anxious that there might be an earthquake, but eventually I settle down and appreciate the rhythms and tempos of pre-sleep.

I don’t leave my phone on anymore because of calls that herald bad news.  We lived through a 911 season. When a phone rings, anxiety begins to stream in my veins. A couple of weeks ago, my son-in-law called me from his work. I missed the call, and noticed a short time later that there was a missed call from his company. From that moment until the moment James told me he needed a sibling’s phone number - a span of less than three minutes - I had imagined the worst. I imagined one, if not all, of my daughters that were in the East Bay were dead. That’s right, not sick, not injured, but dead. I was sweating, my blood pressure soared, my chest was compressing. I lost control over my thoughts, and my body suffered the results.

That overreaction was a wake-up call to me. This was not a real emergency, not an emergency at all. I am going to take control of my thoughts and to the best of my ability, put an end to the “911” thought processes. I have decided to have an “Impending Bliss” attitude rather than an “Impending Doom” one. My body deserved better. My children deserved better too. They don’t need a mom who can’t handle a call for information, or a powered out cell phone, or missed train to be freaking out at every turn. I need to buck up and turn my thoughts around. I know that there will be those horrible life-changing calls in the future, but I am not gonna sit around and wait for them. I am going to look forward to hearing my kids’ voices on the other end; if there is trouble, I am going to garner courage to help them tackle whatever there is, and I will look forward to the great things that are down the pike.

Instead of doom and gloom, it will be bliss and blessings. Because even though everyday has its share of doom and gloom – check out the news – there are bliss and blessings, too. My body and soul need to hear the stories of triumph, the plans for peace and the abundant blessings of good.