No Expectations: A Study in Contrasts

So I'm sitting on the gym floor, gasping for breath after trying (and failing) to perform what I can only describe as some sort of breakdance maneuver while holding a 12-pound weight over my head.  I know, I should be able to do something so natural without a problem.  But still, there I was, wondering if there was enough oxygen on the planet to keep me from passing out.

Across the room, some guy who's too fit to have any business being there other than to make me feel like the "Before" guy in all those ads, is doing all sorts of Olympic-worthy twists and turns with a couple of rings hanging from the ceiling.

My trainer spots him.  "Hey, what are you doing?  Your workout is done.  You're supposed to be gone!"

"I know," says Mr. Universe, "I just wanted to get in another half-hour before I go.  Gotta make up for lost time."

"No!" snaps my trainer.  "You know the rules!  You have a competition this weekend.  No workouts for 2 days before.  Your body needs to rest."

"Can't I at least run?"

Oy.  Who is this person?  Are we even the same species?  At least by now my gulping for air has calmed to the point where I may be able to stagger to my feet soon.

"No, nothing.  Go home!"

"What am I going to do there, sit on the couch?"

Yes, yes you fool!  What's the matter with you?!  I'd KILL for a couch right now!  Or a La-Z-Boy, a BarcaLounger, hammock, beanbag chair.  I'm on pretty good speaking terms with this piece of gym floor right now, in fact.

My trainer says He-Man can do some walking, if he wants.  "Where am I gonna walk to?  There's no place walkable near my house."

Geez.  How about to In-N-Out for a Double-Double?  Maybe you can double-double your body fat, Jack Lalane.

Meanwhile, I've finally collected myself enough to move on to the next exercise.  And I'm not doing well.  Apparently after 35 years one can forget how to jump rope.