11 things you're probably saying all the time that are working against you:
1. Does that make sense?
Many people end their statements with, “Does that make sense?” or “Do you know what I mean?” We do this because we want to make sure we were understood, but this phrasing suggests you think you were incoherent. Instead, ask your listeners, “What are your thoughts?” or say, “Let me know if you have questions about this” instead of the undermining.
2. Just
“I just want to check in and see…” and “I’m just concerned that…” We insert justs because we’re worried about coming on too strong, but they make the speaker sound defensive, a little whiny and tentative.
3. Actually
“I actually think…” and “I actually have a question.” Those actuallys make it sound like you are surprised that you have a question or that you disagree.
4. Sorry, but…
“Sorry to bother you but…” and “Sorry if this is a silly question, but…” Don’t apologize for taking up space or for having something to say.
5. Just a minute and Just a little bit
“I’d like to take just a few minutes of your time” or “I’d like to tell you a little bit about our new product.” Be efficient and succinct, but drop the apologetic words about infringing on another person's time. What you have to share is important and worthwhile.
6. Kind of and Almost
“I almost think we should go a different direction” or “I kind of think the report should be reorganized this way.” We tend to use these words when we are unsure about our ideas or worried about offending others, These qualifiers don’t really help with that - they just make our words less powerful.
7. Undermining qualifiers
“I’m just thinking off the top of my head, but…” or “You all have been thinking about this a lot longer than I have, but…” or “I’m no expert, but…” Don’t tell people why what you are about to say is likely to be wrong. Lead with confidence in the knowledge that your ideas and insights matter.
8. Uptalk
We raise our pitch at the end of yes/no questions in the English language. When you raise your pitch at the end of a statement, it makes you sound tentative, questioning, like you are unsure about what you are saying. Start paying attention to lowering your tone at the end of your statements. Begin to ground yourself as you speak and manage your punctuation as if it's the artistic beauty of your sentence.
9. Rushing and piling on the words
When we don’t feel we have the right to take up space in a meeting or conversation, we tend to rush through our words. We also tend to pile up phrases into one long string instead of using concise sentences with clear endings. Short sentences and brief pauses between those sentences inspire confidence and a sense of comfort in the role of speaker. They also allow the listener to absorb what you are saying and give you a moment to gather a deep breath and collect your thoughts. Use your pauses to stay centered.
10. Shrinking your space
This isn't about speech patterns, but it does change the way people react to what you're saying. Notice if the way you sit or stand shrinks the amount of physical space you are taking up. Take up room, uncross your hands or arms, sit tall, and make eye contact. Own your space and be mindful that communication happens in your body language too.
11. Like
At our WOW think tank, we came up with this overused word "like" used in sentences inappropriately. "Like I'm going to the store and like...." and "I was like doing this thing and like ..." Perhaps it's the younger generation using this more, however we discovered it's use at WOW headquarters during our think tank and decided to include it in the list.
