10 Steps to help with Successful Co-parenting

Parenting at any time of the year especially as we approach the holidays can be difficult with separated parents. The best way to ensure happy peaceful exchanges of the children during the end of the year is to follow  productive parenting steps when communicating and dealing with the other parent.
I've listed 10 approaches that you can consider using when you are faced with difficult situations in parenting. I hope that these suggestions will be useful. I've found that these tools have worked quite well in my 35 years of helping my family law clients in dealing with parenting issues.

1.Switch visitation nights if your ex needs to. Don't give him or her a hard time about it. Staying flexible in developing a parenting plan is the best way to allow for better cooperation between you and the other parent. It my also help you during times when you might need a change in the schedule.

2. Say a friendly hello in the driveway when he or she comes to get the kids. Cordial conversation is never a bad idea. Behaving in this fashion particularly in front of the children supports the fact that the parents have their focus on behaving as best they can to assist the children in having a good time with both parents. The marriage or relationship may be over, but the parenting isn't.

3. Introduce yourself to a girlfriend or boyfriend. Accepting the fact that the other parent is in a new relationship is also supportive of the extended family concept that the California family law courts recognize. It might be a good idea to plan a time when everyone can meet over coffee or a meal to talk with one another and create a more relaxed environment. If the new person becomes a permanent fixture for the other parent, consider whether or not that person should have pick up and drop off responsibilities that might assist the children in transferring back-and-forth between the two households.

4. Tell your children the good qualities your ex possesses from time to time. That's like telling them the good qualities that they themselves have. Do not say favorable things that you really don't feel about the other parent. Be authentic. Your children know when you're speaking the truth.

5. If someone tells you that they saw your ex out on a date, do not react negatively. Instead, smile and say, "That's nice" -- and mean it! That's like saying, "I don't care. I've moved on and I want my ex to be happy for their benefit as well as for the benefit of our children." 

6. If someone says something negative about your ex for your benefit, brush it off. Remember, you are  the ambassador of your children. How you conduct yourself with other people whether you are in the children's presence or not can directly get back to the children at a later time.

7. Have the guts to say, "I'm sorry." If you made a mistake on scheduling the children's pick up or delivery or made some other kind of error that you believe deserves an explanation or an apology, just do it.

8.  If you get some  news from your attorney regarding something your ex's attorney filed, don't  pull the children into what has occurred. Don't EVER  show the children any of the pleadings or documents associated with the custody or visitation battle. This information should only be exchanged between adults. Children need to be children and not exposed to the battle.

9. If your kids tell you about some expensive trip or item that your ex just bought, do not say anything negative. If you do, it will ruin it for your kids.

10. You can control the outcome and the tone of how a parenting exchange can take pace. Always look for the higher ground on how you express yourself to the other parent especially in front of the children.

There are many other tips and rules on good parenting that we could cover here ,but I believe that the ones set out above cover some of the most important ways of dealing with parenting at any given time and particularly now that we are approaching the end of the year and are heading towards the holidays.