Love: Cyber-style

Love has found a home on the information superhighway.

There's Match.com, okcupid.com, fitness-singles.com and eharmony.com, to name just a few. This week, I too, found love online.

It began on Mother's Day. I now have one daughter who is a soon-to-be college graduate, a son who is a sophomore in college and another daughter who is a junior in high school. My son phoned me early in the morning to wish me a happy Mother's Day and tell me he loved me. My daughters and I went to dinner with my brother, his wife and my mom to celebrate the day. It was, all in all, a lovely day.

Later that night my oldest daughter and I were sharing the couch, my new laptop at my fingertips. My youngest was just down the stairs on the computer looking at all the new post-prom photos that had been downloaded on Facebook. We called my son to check on his flight home in a few weeks. He said because it was Mother's Day, he would accept my friendship request on Facebook.

As my older two children have been away at college, I have tried to not be a "hovering" parent. We're very close but I have given them a long leash to become adults while simultaneously supporting them. I have let them be the lead as to how frequently we speak and how often I would visit them. I did send them care packages but sometimes contact has been minimal (or at the very least, less than I would like).

Facebook continues to be a way for family members to stay in touch with one another. But as a mother of quasi-adults, to friend or not to friend? That is the question.

When I joined Facebook two years ago, my youngest daughter immediately accepted my friendship.  Her older sister and brother did not. As a result, my youngest daughter de-friended me.

Ouch.

However, faith was restored shortly thereafter when she friended me once again. It seemed pointless not to, since I knew what was going on in her life. My oldest daughter finally friended me when she wanted photos and realized she had nothing to hide as well. I'm not naive and am quite sure she deleted a number of photos and postings from friends first. My son? He wouldn't "friend" me. It was something he'd tease me about constantly.  

I will give myself some credit, I knew enough to never request to be a "friend" with any of their buddies,  a sure-fire social faux pas, if ever there was one. Every once in a while I would mention that his peers that had requested to be my "friend."I know they all talked amongst themselves because I did mention that certain people had photos on their sites that might want to be hidden, or removed. I never told him who but they are a smart bunch and soon access was denied to those photos and albums that might be deemed offensive were deleted. A wise move on their part. I did not, however, under any circumstances "falk" them (that is my new word for Facebook stalking, "falking").

I  digress. I admit I broke down one day and finally requested his Facebook friendship. What happened? 

Nothing. 

Nada. 

Zip. 

For over a year and a half my son has denied my request. That is, until this past weekend when my son told me to go crazy and enjoy myself... for three hours (it was a limited time offer). A wiser woman would have used restraint. Not me.

I immediately zeroed in on his profile pictures. Knowing my son has a great sense of humor I began to comment on them. First I "liked" a bunch of them. Then I happened upon the one with photo-flash red eyes and commented, "Son of Satan, red eyes," not my finest literary prose, but I could not resist. Next came, "Hmmmm, someone is a sleepyhead" on the photo with him in a sleeping bag. I found one that I had to comment, "I love you but... DISLIKE." I begin to laugh at my comments. My oldest daughter began looking over my shoulder and laughing too.

Next I came upon the photo of him falling in the creek, I commented: "Oopsy, I hope you weren't hurt honey." The photo of him with the 5 o'clock shadow and hiking on a trail? I said, "The walk of shave." At this point my younger daughter began"like"-ing my comments or writing, "Good one, mom." The text messages soon followed from my son asking what was I doing. He responded to my comments. His friends joined in the  fun, too...we were now laughing up a storm in Northern California while he was growing irritated in San Diego. His Facebook "friends "at Oregon State, Chico, and other places united in the jovial exchanges.

I commented about several more of his photos at a fast and furious pace. I received a message on his status page directed at me, simply stated,  "Going." I continued my comments with his friends joining in on the humorous exchanges.

Another message, "Going." I knew what was coming but I continued looking at his profile photos and commenting on them.

"Gone." He had de-friended me. A mere thirty minutes had gone by and I was already right back where I started. 

Or was I?

I began a "BRING KATHY BACK" campaign on my Facebook status and somehow I had gotten a plead or two posted before the de-friending had occurred. I started rallying all the kids I knew who were "friends" with my son. Peer pressure CAN be a good thing. They started telling Troy I was so entertaining that they thought I should be "friended" again.

Eventually Troy gave in and we were "friends" once more.

I noticed later that evening that he had posted a photo of the two of us standing together for his profile photo, as was the norm for Mother's Day this year. I remember the day that photo was taken. It was over ninety degrees the day I helped him move into his dorm as a freshman on the eighth floor. We had made no less than ten trips up those flight of stairs and we were grinning while our brows and faces were beaded with sweat. I would say I earned that shared profile photo. I would even venture to say I have earned his Facebook friendship. But I won't take it for granted. Love, cyber-style, is a pretty amazing gift and should be cherished.

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