SOS: Do You Know How to Play the Game?

Dads, this post is for you.

We all know that there are fundamental differences between boys and girls. But did you know that there are gender differences in problem solving? Males have a more direct way of dealing with problems whereas females have an overall sense of what to do, they just don’t know how to go about solving the problem. Men have steps A, B, C, and D, and if they do those steps in order, the problem is fixed. That may work for some problems, but it doesn’t work for eating disorders.

You can’t just have a universal way of going about problems. Each problem is unique, and you have to take that into account. Eating disorders are no different. You can’t have specific steps that you’re going to employ, and when you’re done, the eating disorder will go away. Steps A, B, C, and D won’t always be in order. Situations change, and you have to adapt to whatever the change is.

Let me tell you the most important thing that you’ll ever learn about eating disorders: nothing can, or ever will, be expected. Eating disorders are a game. Think of it as one of those board games you played as a child. Your game piece didn’t move at the speed of one jump per turn, right? No, depending on what your card said, you’d jump 10 spaces forward or two spaces back. If you think of eating disorders like that, and your child as a game piece, it will be easier to accept that not everything goes as planned.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t have goals, though. Everyone can dream. You just have to be aware and open to what might happen. Eating disorders are very confusing. I suggest that you read up on them, get a little knowledge under your belt before you start shooting your mouth off.

I know it might be hard talking to your buddies about what’s happening, so you might want to get a therapist. If your wife has been carrying most of the burden, offer to help. Maybe you can drive your child to the doctor appointments. Maybe tell your wife that you’re just as confused as she is. You guys can suffer together. Remember, misery loves company.

Just because I told you that your usual plan of getting things done doesn’t work, does not mean you have to be lost as to what to do. Have an open mind and go with the flow.

If things don’t happen according to plan, it’s OK. Tomorrow’s another day.