SOS: It's Not You, It's Me

In war, there is no substitute for victory. In eating disorders, there is no substitute for treatment.

When dealing with an eating disorder, you must have a treatment team installed. This treatment team is like your support network. Your support network helps you. The treatment team helps your son/daughter. The treatment team will hold your child accountable and keep them on track. This team works together to come up with the best plan in order to help your child.

A treatment team consists of three main people: A doctor, a nutritionist, and a therapist. The doctor will monitor weight, check vitals, and will make sure that his/her patient stays medically stable. This doctor must have knowledge in eating disorders. The nutritionist will make sure that the patient is eating enough, eating healthy foods, and correct any deficits. The nutritionist will develop a food plan so that your child can start to have a healthy relationship with food.

Although all the people in the treatment team are necessary, the therapist might be the most important. While the doctor and the nutritionist focus and treat the surface problems, the therapist digs deeper and looks at what caused the eating disorder in the first place, and what are the underlying issues. The therapist will be able to figure out why the patient is doing whatever he/she is doing. Finally, the therapist will help create coping skills for the issues that the patient is dealing with so that he/she won’t depend on the eating disorder as much.

As your child becomes stronger physically and mentally, she/he will be able to use the tools that were given to him/her. Over time, your child will see these people less and less frequently. This is OK, as it means that he/she is improving. These appointments will be an occasional check-in to see how the patient is doing on his/her own. Depending on the status of the patient, the treatment team might modify the plans of recovery.

I want you to know that your son/daughter might say “I don’t like the people you picked for me.” I also want you to know that just because they say that, doesn’t mean you have to listen to them and choose a new treatment team for your child.

Let me tell you a little secret: Your children will say that phrase no matter whom you pick. They’ll say the same thing over and over again. No matter where they go, it’ll always happen. They will say this because they don’t want anyone treating them. They don’t want to get better. Going to a treatment team is not in their comfort zone. It never will be. Whenever they say to you, “I don’t like these people. I don’t like their approach/style. They don’t know me and they don’t know how to treat me,” they’re instead saying to the professionals, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

The sufferers don’t always say what they mean, or mean what they say. In time, you will be able to read between the lines and figure out what they are saying. What I’m saying right now, are three little words: Practice, practice, practice.