SOS: What Do I Say?

“Do I look fat?”

We’ve all heard the phrase, we’ve all asked the same question at some point in our lives. This question is designed as a trap. We might automatically answer “no” even if the person does look fat. But when someone with an eating disorder asks you this question, there isn’t an automatic response. There shouldn’t be an automatic response.

There isn’t a right answer. There are only wrong answers.

If you say “no,” then the eating disorder will tell your child that a) “Look how good you’re doing! You can fit into more clothes and smaller sizes! If you only lost a couple of more pounds, you’d start to look beautiful. Isn’t that what you want? Let’s lose some more weight” or b) “You look sickly. You look horrible. Look at what a worthless human being you’ve become!” and will make him/her feel horrible about him/herself. And you never, ever reply “yes” if your child asks you if he/she looks fat. It’s worse than saying “no.”

So what do you do? What do you do when you’re between a rock and a hard place? I’ll tell you what you do: You don’t say anything. You don’t engage in those conversations. You don’t talk about food, clothes, or weight with your child. It will only hurt you and your child. Ed will be the one that is left standing, laughing at how you fell for his trick once again.

Ed didn’t teach your son/daughter to ask this question. Society taught him/her. We’ve heard the question been asked by many people who don’t have eating disorders. Society has taught us what beauty means. Society has taught us to run away from fat. Society is the one to blame. Ed only reinforces what society has taught us.

This is not your question to answer. This is society’s question to answer. Only society can finish what it started.