SOS: Who to Trust

I’d first like to say that I am sorry for not writing during these past four months. Probably most of you who should be reading this aren’t because you gave up on me a long time ago, thinking that I had left you in your time of need.

There are so many websites and people out in the world that claim they will help you. Half of those people flat out don't help you mostly because they don’t know what they’re talking about. A third of the websites and people that claim to help you actually will, but they won’t live up to your expectations or nearly help you as much as they should. And then, finally, there’s the 1/6^th of people and websites that actually can do some good. They tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Yet, none of these people or websites has obvious labels on them, explaining what group they belong to. You have to wade through all of it, using your best judgment to try and pick advice. Some will lead you down false paths and dead ends. Others may even exaggerate some facts and lessen others.

I started writing for Patch because a) I have a story to tell, but b) I don’t want anyone to feel like he or she is in the dark or n a perpetual state of confusion. I don’t want anyone to have to go through what my family has gone through. I came here to simplify things. I came here to find the truth and I’m not leaving until I do.

Yes, maybe I started writing on Patch so that I would find answers. Maybe I started this for selfish reasons, thinking that if I wrote everything down, I would untangle my web of confusion. Some of my writing here on Patch may not provide you with definitive answers. Some of that writing may not even provide me with definitive answers. Some of my writing will just be my thoughts on a subject. For me, admitting that I don’t know all of the answers is a big growth. I’ve always struggled with a) admitting that I’m wrong, b) admitting that I don’t know everything, and c) - which might be the hardest of them all – admitting that I need help, too. Deep down, I do know that sometimes I’m wrong and sometimes I don’t know what I’m talking about and yes, I do need help. I don’t like to show that side of myself to other people. I try and pretend that I have everything under control. And, as you should know (if you don’t already), control is also a big part of eating disorders.

Anyway, the point that I’m trying to get across here is that I really don’t know all of the answers. I’m not a doctor, I haven’t studied this for a long time, and I don’t always have facts and statistics to back up my arguments. That’s the thing: eating disorders depend on so many different factors, that what is true for one family might not be the case for another. I’m just a sibling, trying to understand and get through this just like you. I can only talk about my experiences. Yes, I’ve made mistakes, and yes, I have more knowledge than I did a couple years ago, but so do you. Even if I’m just a sibling, you should listen and learn from my mistakes. Just as important, if not more important, is the idea that you should listen and learn from your own mistakes. The best teacher and indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

Also, a lot of what I learn in my classes at school will find its way into these articles that I write here. I might bring in a concept from my History or Psychology class. Or I might reference a song or allude to a literary work that I’ve read. I learn best when I can make connections and create analogies. If this isn’t how you learn, I’d be happy to accommodate your learning style, so just drop me a line. I might not write here every day or every week, but if I do suddenly leave, it will be for a valid reason.

I’ll be your guide, and show you all the mistakes you shouldn't make. I’ll sort through all the opinions, wrong turns, misguided theories, and pages upon pages of pure nothingness in order to deliver you what is good, what is true, and who is right. I don’t easily take no for an answer, and if I do, it’s based on my own conclusions and only on my terms.

Also, another thing that I thought of was that maybe you’ve found people or websites that are great…but they’re written in fancy language that only professionals in the eating disorder field or the science community would or could understand. Head spinning from all the 30-some terms and concepts, you might dismiss it as a fake source of information masquerading as something that it’s not. Don’t discount it. You might think, ‘Oh, if I don’t understand what it’s saying, then it must not be valuable,’ but that’s not true. After awhile, I’ve found a lot of great advice about eating disorders. Some are straight-forward, some take time to decode, but eventually I figure out what the article is saying.

See, I consider myself a nerd. I like science. I’m drawn to those huge words and the great thing about all of this, is that I actually understand what’s being said! So, in the coming weeks and months, I’ll simplify for you what you don’t understand.

It would be great if you readers gave me another chance. I didn’t mean to abandon you. I’m not making any promises or saying that I’ll never take a break from writing again, but when I do leave, it will always be for a short amount of time. I genuinely want to help you. I wish that there was someone out there for me who could be the person that I aim to be for you readers. But there isn’t, and I’m still learning about eating disorders, so we’re going to go through this together. We’re all connected in this world, which makes our circumstances a little more bearable. Good luck to you all, and remember: you’re not alone and you can do this. The more that I think about it, the more that I believe I can do this, too.