What Does It Mean to be 'Settled' Anyways?

Sometimes in life, it seems as though right when you think things are calming down or your beginning to feel a sense of consistency, hold on tight because some sort of explosion may be right around the corner.

Now when I say explosion, don't jump to the worst conclusion. I'm just speaking in terms of changes. Some good, some bad, some just downright confusing and some that are hard to understand or justify.

No matter what life brought my way I always felt as though I had certain things in my life that were consistent. And some still are. The love of my family and friends, my house, my job, etc. Sometimes people, events, places and schedules shift around and evolve which I believe is the natural cycle of life.

But when many of the things that made you feel "settled" all of a sudden do not, what can you do during such uncertain times?

In the last year of my life I have been kicked out of my comfort zone with a bang. Not just one thing, but several things have changed and been pulled from beneath me.

In the long run, the reasons will surface and I believe things happen to push us forward. But until then things just don't seem quite right. All of a sudden my home of six years, which I have put lots of work into to make my own, feels like a hotel. I find myself packing a bag and spending a few evenings at a time with friends/family and even there I don't necessarily feel settled.

Everything otherwise constantly feels like a waiting game of not knowing where I'm headed and being terrified that things will get worse before they get better – and staying optimistic becomes challenging.

When people use phrases like "well go out and change it!" or "things will get better," the sudden urge to scream takes you over; not because they mean any harm, but because if it were that simple it would have been done already. It all of a sudden feels like there is no end in sight and being vulnerable is the scariest feeling on earth.

And what does it mean to be "settled" anyways?

I think that may be an issue in itself. Traditionally people associated the word "settled" with getting older, marrying away and having children; but this is not the case for everyone.

Not everyone will experience these events and not everyone even wants these things. Even those people who have families deal with a separate set of daily challenges and nothing is guaranteed to them either. Life still happens. Things can always change suddenly. And trying to figure out what you need to feel settled down and comfortable is in my opinion, the biggest part of the challenge.

Through some good advice, some common sense and lessons being learned, I'm beginning to realize the best antidote for so much change and stress at once is to go through the motions and not try to suppress them.

It's OK to do a little crying, kicking, and screaming; for denying yourself these emotions will only hurt you in the long run. These changes are meant to challenge you, so in dealing with them head on and not trying to ignore them, this means you are accepting the challenge and willing to learn the lesson it serves. Some days will be better than others during the process, that's just the name of the game.

The other important piece of advice offered to me, or reminder I should say, is this: "No strong feeling lasts forever." Whether the feeling is that of anger, being overwhelmed, frustration, depression, etc., what you consider your toughest moment will lighten up and get better. Passionate emotions exist only temporarily; so when feeling any despair just remind yourself to hang on tight because it will get better even if it is hard to recognize it at that very moment.

I hope that in expressing my own feelings, (which is something very new for me) I can help others find ways to deal with hard times and know that they are not alone. 

I've learned that as much as one thinks they are in control, oftentimes that's not the case and when you realize you cannot control everything in life, taking things one day at a time might be all you can do.

Remember, "no strong feeling lasts forever ..."