Being a Sexy, Good Mom

Somewhere between making lunches at 6 a.m., working, shopping and dinner cleanup, sexy goes missing for many moms. It can be difficult to feel sexy when life's demands pileup like dirty diapers, dishes and debts.

Finding time and motivation for sexiness is important on an individual level, as well as for intimate partnerships.

Ashley Calleu, a lingerie model for Camouflage’s Valentine’s fashion show, said her 4-year-old son, Angelou, is her life. “He’s the best little boy in the entire world.”

Calleu said it’s important to stay sexy after having children. “I don’t want to lose myself, but I still have to be a good mom. You just have to find time for yourself. Like right now, this is my time. Normally my son is with me 90 percent of the time.”

Ken Vinson and Shannon Collins are partners in business—proprietors of Camouflage—and in the bedroom. While they do not have children, owning a business provides its own set of challenges for their relationship.

Being tired and short on time is taxing for couples, including Vinson and Collins who have been together for six years, married for the last 2½.

Contemplating the demands of a mother, Collins said, “A lot of times, it comes down to time away from the kids. We’ve had a lot of moms coming in (to Camouflage) with their strollers. You have to make time to be with your partner. Get a babysitter and plan a date.”

Collins feels that “in long-term partnerships, it’s important to take the time to spice things up now and then. Connecting and relaxing can relieve stress and invigorate sex drive.”

One of the problems many women face is an overabundance of obligations, including endless housework.

“A recent study about women’s libidos indicated that partners who help around the house more have higher libidos,” said Vinson.

When “women are stressed out and don’t have time for all the responsibilities of life, sex takes a back burner,” said Vinson.

“Women tend to be in charge of housekeeping,” said Collins. “Everybody should just hire a maid.”

But that’s another fantasy altogether.

A key factor in keeping a long-term partnership sexually invigorated, according to Vinson, is communication.

“The thing that I think has really differentiated my relationship with Shannon from prior ones, and probably the biggest reason I wanted to marry her, is that we communicate really well," Vinson said. "We're both pretty good about expressing our needs to each other, and while I don't know that communication has had such a big impact in the frequency with which we have sex, it makes a huge difference in avoiding the hurt feelings and insecurities that inevitably arise when one isn't getting enough intimate time with one's partner.”  

Through communication, partners can encourage more encounters even when there’s little time.

“A reminder that, 'while I can't make the time for sex right now, I still think you're hot and do still want to', can go a long way toward reassurance,” said Vinson.

To moms who are struggling with finding their sexy image, Calleu says, “just get out there and do it, be sexy.”

In order to be a good mom, Calleu said, you have to be happy, too.