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Bay Area Shaken By Over 200 Small Earthquakes
A satirical look at current events!
Bay Area Shaken By Over 200 Small Earthquakes: A swarm of more than 200 small earthquakes, recorded in just the last week east of San Francisco, has been rattling nerves and making residents wonder if the big one is on its way. Oddly, when asked to explain what could be going on, USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said as far as they can tell, “there’s been a quake-quake here, a quake-quake there, here a quake, there a quake, everywhere a quake-quake.”
Explorers Find 1862 Shipwreck in Lake Ontario: A team of shipwreck explorers has discovered the mid-19th century sunken steamship Bay State, believed to be the oldest of its kind ever found in Lake Ontario. Tellingly, one of the key artifacts found on the vessel was the sheet music to “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”
Millennials Not Getting Married in Churches: A new study finds that today’s couples are rarely getting married in a traditional church setting, instead favoring rustic barns, hotels or the county courthouse. A related study found that many young people simply prefer to just get married where they live - in their parents’ basement.
Find out what's happening in Santa Monicafor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Ohio Boy Suspended for Farting: An Ohio seventh-grade 13-year-old boy has been suspended for farting on a school bus. Now, if he could just pass his tests the way he passes gas, he’ll have a bright future ahead of him.
Find out what's happening in Santa Monicafor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Los Angeles Increases Number of Household Cats Permitted to Five: The Los Angeles City Council is considering a proposal to raise the number of cats allowed per household from three to five within the city. Yet another example of the ever powerful cat-lady lobby in action. When the council president asked who’s in favor of the measure, all the council members reportedly responded “IAMS.”
Indian Truck Driver Killed Over Beef Rumor: A truck driver in an India-controlled area of Kashmir was beaten and burned to death in his truck after being wrongly suspected of transporting beef in a region where cows are considered sacred. Wow, this adds a real intensity to the old question “where’s the beef?” The poor guy should have tried to steer clear of this crowd. Someone should have told the angry mob that there’s no reason to stew about this, he had no beef with them. Local officials were defensive, stating that a killing of this nature is rare - well at least medium rare.
Man Chokes Woman for Reclining Her Seat on Jet: A Southwest Airlines jet was forced to turn back and make an emergency landing at LAX after a male passenger allegedly began choking a woman because she reclined her seat too far back. I choose to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was simply preforming a modified version of the Heimlich Maneuver. As they say, “don’t blame the sardines when the packer is responsible.”
Parents Against Yoga Being Taught in Schools: Christian parents in a southern California community are considering legal action over yoga being taught to their children, which they claim is the same thing as introducing the Hindu religion into public schools. Oh come on - that seems like a bit of stretch.
Woman Slept on Couch While Tornado Ripped Off Her Roof: A 77-year-old Alabama woman said she fell asleep on the couch and didn’t realize that a tornado had ripped off much of her roof and damaged most of her home until firefighters and neighbors came to check on her and woke her up. All I can say is, that has to be one helluva comfortable couch!
