Enormous Crack in the Earth Opens Up Near Nairobi

Enormous Crack in the Earth Opens Up Near Nairobi: Scientists can’t seem to agree upon exactly what may have caused an enormous crack which has opened up in the earth, just outside Nairobi, Kenya. Geologists say the crack measures 50 feet deep and 65 feet across in some areas - and goes on for miles before slices right through a major highway.

When informed about the crack, an angry President Trump complained by tweet that now the Mexican drug lords have even gotten parts of the Earth addicted to crack - until one of his trusty aids informed him that this doesn’t sound like the kind of crack that drug addicts smoke. The President then demanded to know if any great-big, angry fire-breathing dinosaurs were emerging from the crack?

To answer this question, several renowned creationist geologists from Liberty University were immediately summoned to the White House to explain what exactly is going on - and they explained to the president that this crack is so huge, it could likely put many plumbers and possibly even Kim Kardashian - to shame. Upon hearing that, the President was reportedly in awe of the crack.

At this point, the President asked the geologists if we could possibly prevent the crack from growing any larger by throwing Rosie O’Donnell and Hillary Clinton into the crevasse as a sacrificial offering? When the scientists informed the President that its very unlikely that would work, he shrugged his shoulders and instructed aides to send several cases of Duct tape and industrial-strength Flex Seal over to Kenya. The President had had quite enough of this nonsense, its time to hit the golf course.

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